Delusional Craigslist Dude Is Looking for His Perfect Pepper Potts

Illustration for article titled Delusional Craigslist Dude Is Looking for His Perfect Pepper Potts

Heath Hudson is from Ontario. Heath Hudson is the son of a welder. Heath Hudson is a struggling actor/comedian. Heath Hudson vlogs. Heath Hudson's dream is to be interviewed by Howard Stern. What else should we know about Heath Hudson? Oh, all Heath Hudson – or apparently a Heath Hudson with far less impressive presence on the internet – needs to get what he wants is his very own perfect personal assistant.


"Heath Hudson" posted the following ad on Craigslist in order to find himself a personal assistant in the San Diego, California area. He is looking for person with a lot of specific qualities so, emphasis added:

Basically I am looking for Pepper Potts. If you have seen the movie "Iron Man" then you will understand perfectly.

The perfect assistant would be smarter than myself but would never outshine. The job is to make me look good always, better than I actually am.

The job is similar to working behind the scenes in a movie. I am the actor and you need to go to great lengths to make me, and the movie successful. This means that unfortunately no one may ever know that you are the reason for my success and that without you I would fall a part. It is a team effort but unfortunately I will almost always get all the credit. But I will know and you will know that it is a team effort. I promise that upon getting awards and during interviews I will do my best to mention that none of this would be possible without the help of my beautiful and talented assistant☺

This leads us to the next item. You must be beautiful, charismatic and physically fit. The majority of your role will be behind the scenes however there will also be a significant amount of time on stage. . . if you will. When we are in meetings together, you must come across as captivating, yet professional, intelligent but not cocky or condescending, well respected but never outshine me even though we both know you are two steps ahead of me at all times. They must love you but never feel threatened. The men and even the women must find you enchanting and an absolute pleasure to be around, so much so that they cant even remember what the meeting is about.

Our relationship should ideally be intuitive. I am an outside of the box thinker. Most of the time there is no box. I would expect you to begin to think like me, come up with creative ideas and suggestions based on what you think I will do next, anticipating my needs and the needs of my clients before I do. The job description is that there is no job description. It would be everything from anticipating that I like to have my Pu er tea in the morning to negotiating important meetings on my behalf. The latter would obviously come in time and training.

The perfect assistant, having all of the qualities above will obviously be way over qualified for this position but does it because they love to. They love to help, love to be apart of something big on the horizon at all times. Loves to have multiple plates spinning even though they all wont turn into something spectacular.

Because the perfect assistant loves all of the things above, she will also have no ego. There is no room for ego. She will willingly give suggestions and ideas but will not be disappointed if her ideas are not accepted. Just as many of our ventures together will not pan out, so to, will all of her ideas. The moment the perfect assistant feels deflated or her ego is hurt, she will no longer have the passion and creativity that brought her to this position in the first place. I will always do my best to show respect and thankfulness for suggestions and ideas and I actually pride myself on being appreciative and respectful however it is best for both of us to have no egos especially the perfect assistant.

While I have my doubts that this person exists, I always believe the answer is no, unless you ask. I am looking for what Alfred was to Batman, Pepper Potts was to Tony Stark. I am no Batman or Tony Stark. But I believe I can be with the right person.

Ideally the perfect assistant is already working and in high demand. It is also very unlikely that she will ever see this. So if you know the person I am looking for, please forward this to her. I plan on taking sometime to find the right person, so if you believe that you are the right person and would like this position, please send a resume and a few words, as many as you like, as to why this position interests you. The truth is, the drive and passion and the reasons why you want this position will be much more important to me than your resume, but I would like to see it anyways to get a feel for who you are. I would also like to know how much you are looking to make in compensation. I want to pay enough that you are comfortable but I want your real reason for working be that you absolutely love the job.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Heath Hudson

You heard "Heath": please forward this to his dream woman.

This post has been updated, as the original Heath Hudson identified denies that he wrote this plea for his own Pepper Potts.

Image via Marvel Studios/Paramount Pictures


Jane, you ignorant slut.

I'm going to assume he is also a billionaire and looks like Robert Downey, Jr.