Dear Moby And Miley: Please Shut Up About The Disorders You Don't Actually Have

In a profile in today’s New York Times, Moby admitted that though he doesn’t have Asperger syndrome, he likes to “pretend I do. It makes me sound more interesting.” Yeah, no, Moby. It actually makes you sound like a dick.

Celebrities seem to have a habit of attempting to make themselves seem more fascinating or clever by whipping out a DSM-IV diagnosis to explain away all of their stupid life decisions, like Miley Cyrus, who recently described herself as “kind of bipolar in my acting choices because I just want to do a little bit of everything. One day I’m telling my mom, you know, I want to do an action movie and then I want to be doing comedy and then all different types of things. I get a little bored so hopefully I’ll get a chance to do a little bit of everything.” That’s totally bipolar, you guys! Intense mania followed by a harrowing depressive comedown is super equivalent to trying to figure out if you want to star in Hannah Montana Causes Hilarity At The Zoo or Hannah Montana: Fall Of The Ninja Space Robots, you know?

It’s one thing when celebrities like Emma Thompson step forward to speak out about their personal battles with depression, providing an honest and straightforward account of their struggles in order to help de-stigmatize mental illness to the public, but it’s quite another when someone like Moby decides to wear an autism spectrum disorder as some kind of charming quirk that will make him seem “more interesting” to others.

Your brain is not Sephora. You don’t get to walk in and pick a bunch of “trendy” shit to throw on in order to make yourself look better. And you don’t get to accessorize with the “hip” disorder of the day just to make yourself seem “weird” and “fascinating” to your stupid friends. That’s not how it works. And it’s not fair to those of us who actually do have to deal with such diagnoses, and all the work, medication, and often times difficulties that come along with them, to act as if it’s adorable or hilarious that you’ve declared yourself to have something that you don’t. You’re not helping the cause any, and you certainly aren’t helping to research or de-stigmatize such things by wearing them as some kooky hipster badge of honor. Nor are you helping the public’s perception of bipolar disorder by comparing it to your shitty movie options.

Later in theTimes interview, Moby notes that he “can appreciate a culture that doesn’t take itself too seriously.” I guess that’s pretty easy to say when you can just remove serious issues from your life whenever your friends don’t find them impressive anymore.

He’s Sensitive About The Pancakes [NYTimes]
Miley Cyrus Interview: I’m Going To Hire An Acting Coach [Telegraph]
Emma Thompson Reveals Secret Heartache Behind Grandmother’s Rape And Split From Kenneth Branagh [DailyMail]