Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Dead Lobster

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In a bit of news that’s making my eyes well up and my mouth water, Larry, the lobster who avoided being boiled and dipped in clarified butter by retiring to a Maine aquarium, has died at the ripe old age of a hundred and something—and he didn’t even make it all the way up north.

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Reports US News:

Officials say the decades-old, 15-pound lobster succumbed during its journey from a Sunrise, Florida, restaurant to the Maine State Aquarium. The staff at the aquarium in West Boothbay Harbor unpacked the lobster and found it dead on Wednesday.

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This sad story, if you’ll excuse me for a moment, is the exact combination—I’m talking a 33.333/33.333/33.333 split—of these three moments from popular culture: a Golden Girls episode entitled “Bringing Up Baby,” the ending of Seven, and a Red Lobster commercial. Allow me to explain:

  • In “Bringing Up Baby,” the gals inherit a 29-year-old pig named Baby and are asked to care for it in its twilight years. Having a pig in the house is a big ask, sure, but they’re promised a huge sum of money when it dies—something like $100,000—so they agree to it. By the end of the episode, however, poor Baby is diagnosed with homesickness by a vet (god, I love that show), and the girls decide to forego their inheritance and let it live on a farm. It dies soon after arriving, and they lose out on the money.
  • In Seven, Brad Pitt opens a box to a particularly depressing sight: the disembodied head of his wife, played by Gwyneth Paltrow.
  • In Red Lobster commercials, the succulent flesh of dead lobsters is photographed being dipped in clarified butter.
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