Welcome to the first installment of DUDEFIGHTS, a new feature that may or may not be recurring that highlights men fighting with each other and me just sitting back and enjoying the action.
In today’s edition, the Boehneresquely tangerine Tucker Carlson of The Daily Caller, a well-known presence in circles of adult men who get their jollies slapfighting on the internet, takes on the Washington Post’s Erik Wemple, a no-nonsense media critic who always wears sensible pastels during TV appearances.
The most complete chronicle of this noteworthy dudefight comes from Wemple’s blog, where he recounts a salty CNBC appearance by Carlson, wherein Carlson discussed that time a few weeks ago when his brother Buckley accidentally replied-all to an email thread involving a female spokesperson of Mayor Bill de Blasio. Like most reply-all situations, it was very, very stupid. But rather than let it die, Tucker opted to drag it out further.
There’s a guy called Erik Wemple [Blog] — I think that’s how you pronounce his name. He’s like a total mediocrity and a moron and kind of a creepy, finger-sniffer-type character. But anyway, he has written about it all these times because it’s like bigger than the fall of Baghdad.
Tucker went on to note how hurt his brother Buckley was by the whole thing. Quotes, again, via Wemple:
It really affected his job and he had all kinds of problems as a result….For some reason it became, like, this big thing because, I guess, they don’t like my politics or something. I really don’t know, but it was an accident and he apologized for it and I don’t really see why it was a big news story.
Men are so emotional.
Wemple, ostensibly between finger-sniffings, said he reached out to the woman who was called a “bitch” with “extreme dick fright” by Tucker’s brother Buckley (lol), and says she’s yet to receive an apology. To whom did Buckley apologize if not to the woman he’d insulted? Himself in a mirror? A promotional still from The Notebook? A doll made of human hair? What an intriguing mystery.
Wemple, always a class act, mostly avoided the temptation to get any barbs on apart from ridiculing Carlson’s use of the non-expression “total mediocrity” and reproducing Buckley’s (lol) email with the naughty language redacted with mild pearl-clutching. God only knows how (and if) the dynamic Tuckley duo will respond further.
Rating: Three popcorns. Would watch dudefight again, but only if there isn’t another dudefight on another channel.
Image via screengrab/Fox.