Critic Uses Review to Skeeve on Tween One Direction Fans

Over the weekend, Bob Lefsetz — 61-year-old man and music critic — attended a One Direction concert at the Pasadena Rose Bowl. He had set out to see what all the fuss was about, but instead discovered a great place to pick up “barely pubescent” strange.

I’m not being needlessly crude. He actually wrote this.

From his long-running newsletter The Lefsetz Letter:

And that was who were there. Students. Girls. Wanna get laid? Go to a 1D show. You won’t see odds this good at the prison of “Orange Is The New Black.” An endless sea of barely pubescent girls, screaming their heads off. You’d think it was the new Beatles.

You hear that pedophiles? Open season!

The best part is that these young girls will be far too busy watching their favorite band play to even see you coming:

Let me tell you, despite being one of the lone males in a sea of tens of thousands of females, what stunned me is nobody was radiating any sexuality, nobody was dressed like a slut, nobody was making eyes trying to get ahead. This was more like puppy love, even if dirty old men would say some of these girls were fully grown.

Maybe the real reason Lefsetz didn’t catch anyone “making eyes” is because the tweens mistook him for a grandpa and instead chose to focus their intentions (intentions that, at this point in their lives, are probably more in line with “puppy love” than some rando’s baseless fantasy) on the much more fuckable Harry Styles or Zayn Malik.

Lefsetz, as it turns out, has a bit of a history as a misogynist troll, having once announced that Grace Potter (of Grace Potter and the Nocturnals) gave him a musical boner and that Feist’s “complexion was less than perfect” when he saw her live. (Fun bonus fact: Taylor Swift is rumored to have written the song “Mean” about him.)

Sadly, even after a full evening of One Direction, Lefsetz still wasn’t able to understand what made their music so attractive to their young (yes, sir, very, very young!) audience:

…I still can’t wrap my head around it. Exactly why were all those girls there? Exactly why were they all so rabid? 1D is cute and the songs are catchy but does that equal three stadium dates?

As Jake Cleland at TheVine succinctly answers, “I suspect it’s because young women are capable of using their functioning nervous systems to seriously appreciate bands like any other human.”

Additionally, I’m sure these girls would be equally confounded by Lefsetz’s love of Toad the Wet Sprocket or whatever dad shit he happens to be into.