If you don’t already have someone to ceremoniously hump during this summer’s movement of heavenly bodies, why not try this guy, who posted on Craigslist looking for someone to impregnate during the eclipse?
Seeking to create the “next level of human evolution,” this poster assures potential applicants that “when totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child.” Applicants “must like cats” and doing nitrous oxide during climax. Are you turned on yet?
There’s always a catch, though, isn’t there? And that is this: If the man behind this is real and this post is sincere, he seems like he might be a white supremacist. He opens by saying he’s a caucasian male from Europe whose “heritage is strong and pure.” He also notes that his knowledge and strength is “100% lethal,” which is not the most reassuring thing to read before you fly to meet someone for sex. On the bright side, as a result of this sex, you will create a holy sun child:
We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun.
Everything will be aligned in the local universe.
Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets.
In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe. Full of love...
The Oregonian notes that the man’s logic is a bit off. Even if you do manage to come at the same time (yeah, right), no one gets pregnant instantaneously. It takes a few days for those little swimmers to find the egg, even if the penis was pointing directly at the sun. Disappointing when science ruins a ritualistic smash.
Though the original posting is no longer up, either because the poster found the perfect applicant or it got flagged too many times, GQ preserved a screenshot of the original, which also included this illustration: