Anna Kendrick once sang that a summer in Ohio is akin to shoving an ice pick in her eye, and while I have never been to Ohio myself, I’m starting to think she was on to something. Last month in the pandemic year of our lord 2020, Mikayla and Anthony Bishop hosted a wedding in Cincinnati with 83 of their closest friends, and to no one but Mikayla and Anthony’s surprise, 32 of those people contracted the coronavirus two weeks later, the Washington Post reports. Of those infected were the bride and groom, which we can only suppose is the price they must pay for insisting on having a sizable wedding during—say it with me now—a global pandemic.
Mikayla spoke of her experience of putting all her closest friends in harm’s way on a local TV station where she said, “I didn’t think that almost half of our wedding guests were gonna get sick. You’re in the moment. You’re having fun. You don’t think about covid anymore.” Hmm, not thinking about covid anymore, that’s very interesting, considering the Bishops had masks and hand sanitizer as favors for their guests. Was the sanitizer made available for non-covid reasons? As for the masks, Mikayla claimed that when she was walking down the aisle she realized that not a single person was actually wearing one, and thought, “I’m walking down the aisle. We can’t do anything now.”
The Bishops are not solely to blame for infecting themselves and their own grandparents. Ohio banned gatherings of more than 10 people beginning in March but up until this Monday, weddings and funerals were an exception to the rule. Governor Mike DeWine proposed a revised health order on Monday that went into effect Tuesday which states, “wedding receptions, funerals and other events held at banquet facilities are not allowed to have more than 10 people seated per table. Additionally, no dancing will be permitted at these events where attendees should wear their masks at all times except when eating or drinking.”
So no dancing allowed but people can still gather as long as they are seated at different tables. This isn’t Footloose part 3, goddammit, just stop gathering!