If I ruled the world, the inventor of the phrase, “Why don’t you lick me where I fart,” would receive a promotion (to Queen of the World, perhaps), not punishment. But I don’t and thus Jennifer Elizabeth Green-Johnson, who teaches Grade 10-12 at Dunnville Secondary School in Ontario, is in hot water after saying that (and much more) to her students. Green-Johnson teaches English, which is no surprise for someone whose capacity for the language is as vivid as hers.

According to a memo from the Discipline Committee of the Ontario College of Teachers, Green-Johnson’s fart comment is one of several to be reported. Others include, per the memo:

She told a student who brought coffee to class, “Get that fucking thing out of here.”

She called a student a “bloody pedophile.”

She told a student, “I have never said this to a student before, but fuck you.”

She said to her class, “It’s debate, not masturbate.”

She told students that a particular student would “stare at my daughter’s ass.”

After a student “made noise by pressing his lips together,” she said “It sounds like your ass cheeks are too close together.”

After a student offered to buy her a muffin for a passing grade, she said, “You mean a bribe? I’d be able to shit for a week ‘cause of all that fiber.”

She told students that a female student “looked like a frumpy old lady today.”

Because of this language, Green-Johnson is accused of abusing students “verbally” and “psychologically or emotionally.” A hearing is scheduled for Friday to determine whether the allegations are true and whether Green-Johnson is guilty of professional misconduct. Scott Sincerbox, superintendent of Grand Erie (Dunnville’s district), told the Toronto Star that Green-Johnson is “not working” at the moment but she has not been fired.


The Star also reports that Green-Johnson’s record of reckless speaking to her students stretches back to 2011 and that she’s had a string of suspensions, both paid and unpaid. She lived to curse another day, but now it seems that her luck may have run out. I reached out to Green-Johnson for a comment, and in hopes that I could get her to curse at me. I will update this post if and when I hear back.

Some Pig. Terrific. Radiant. Humble.

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