Conservative All-Boys ‘Sexual Purity’ Club Sure to Be a Big Hit

Now that the Boy Scouts have announced that they will allow openly gay children to mince around and besmirch the Baby Straights with their seductive fruitiness, one group of Concerned Parents (the best kind of parents) is forming their own all-boy, no-homo alternative for parents who want their sons to learn about straight activities like “sexual purity” and “Christian values.” The kids are gonna go nuts for it!

Reuters reports that the to-be-named club will be run by a Boy Scouts splinter group called OnMyHonor.Net, a name that I am legally obligated to point out is an easy sexual double entendre. (Get it? Honor – on her? Like, these dudes are so straight that they can’t wait to get to fuckin’ ladies under God’s loving yet pervy supervision?). The entire point of the club is to keep the boys involved in the club sexually pure by focusing on and by extension reducing them to their sexual proclivities. Wow! Like what we do to girls! Equality!

But before you get your liberal Satanpanties in a wad, gay kids aren’t banned outright from the organization. From the Reuters article,

Gay youths will be allowed join, but members can’t “openly flaunt sexuality,” said John Stemberger, founder of OnMyHonor.Net. “There is not going to be any acting out, nor is there going to be a witch-hunt,” said Stemberger. “We wouldn’t expect any flaunting, innuendo, gestures or speech,” he said..

Hear that, boys? No gay flaunting or showboaty lisping!

Parents who enroll their children in the Name TBD Club for Straight Youths and the Pansies They Tolerate can expect that their kids will be more than adequately prepared to be fully functional and not-at-all-warped adults in America circa 1955.