Congress Completes Vital Secret Santa Selection Process

These are troubling times for a country, but luckily Congress is hard at work! This week there was a major breakthrough at the Senate Democrats’ lunch: Senator Ben nelson reports, “We chose Secret Santas.” According to a story that the Washington Post claims isn’t the invention of writers for The Onion, six lawmakers including Al Franken have organized the Senates’ first secret Santa program. They hope that bipartisan swaps will create a less hostile mood in Congress, and their $10 cap on gifts should stimulate spending on coffee mugs from the local Starbucks.