Illustration for article titled Congratulations to Barbara: Peter Weber and Madison Prewett Broke Up 2 Days After the iBachelor /iFinale
Screenshot: ABC/The Bachelor

After a lackluster two-day Bachelor finale—in which pilot Peter Weber got engaged to the only woman who stayed (Hannah Ann), proceeded to call things off with her immediately afterward, and then partnered with the one who left (Madison Prewett) in a rare moment of disobedience towards his parent—Peter and Madison have announced that they are no longer together. Two days after the finale aired. It’s almost as if this season was an entire waste of time. Good riddance?

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On Instagram, Prewett posted a screenshot of the pair together during the finale (perhaps because she doesn’t actually have any other photos of the two of them, as they were never really together and everything is a sham) on her Instagram account, writing that she is “confident that we will both move in the direction of our purpose and never forget that God has a plan in all things. I will always love and respect him.” Peter, on the other hand, posted a glorified thirst trap of only himself with the caption, “Madi and I have mutually decided to not pursue our relationship any further. Believe me this was not easy for either of us to be ok with, but after a lot of honest conversations, we have agreed that this is what makes most sense for the two of us.” Fine. Seems amicable enough, though I do worry about Weber’s future as a self-described “male feminist.” There are worse things to be, such as a man who poses on a ranch in a tight-fitting henley, face glistening, eyes squinted as if to say, “come hither, I’m single now.”

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While I’d like to say there are no winners in a breakup, in this case, there is one: Peter’s mom Barbara Weber. Surely she’s dancing on the grave of this deceased relationship.

The last few episodes of the season were dramatized by Barbara Weber, who disliked Madison so much she frequently cried about it on screen. In the final episode, she even told host Chris Harrison she was positive they were going to end things because “he’s gonna have to fail to succeed. Everyone that knows him knows that it’s not going to work.” It’s harsh criticism that proved to be true—but also, Peter was never going to go against his mother’s wishes, and Madison was never going to settle for a bad boy who loves to party and his mother more than anyone else alive. She dodged a bullet.

Here’s my thinking: The Bachelor season was coming to a close and producers recognized that neither one of these ladies were going to forever partner with Weber, so they threw a bunch of shit at the wall—anything that would get a rise out of Barb, social media’s favorite familial figure to hate on. That meant bringing back Madison, even if just for two days. I imagine Barb will be back in the OK Boomer Bachelor series that’s just around the corner, too, and Weber will pursue a career in podcasting, but at least Madison is free. Everyone wins when no one finds love.

Senior Writer, Jezebel. And now for something completely different: My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out July 21.

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