Congrats, Weak Boners! Viagra Now Available Directly from Its Website

Great news, erections! No longer will you have to drag your tired boner bodies all the way to the drug store to get your Viagra because Pfizer, in a first for the drug industry, is making that little $25 pill available on its website. Just type your prescription information into the keyboard and your supply will arrive in days.

If you’re thinking “But a version of Viagra is already available online! I’ve been taking the generic version that I found at an online pharmacy and it works great!” then I’m sorry, but you have not been taking Viagra. More than likely, you’ve actually been taking ground up shark teeth or bull semen or anything that’s not Viagra because Viagra has a very specific patent that gives Pfizer exclusive rights to make and sell the drug until 2020. Cheap counterfeits pop up all over the web — according to Pfizer, Viagra is the most counterfeited drug in the U.S. — but they have not undergone the same testing and regulations as legit Viagra has (i.e. on Bob Dole’s penis).

The move to the internet isn’t just for your benefit. Pfizer’s Viagra sales have grown increasingly flaccid over the past several years after facing competition from rival drug companies. By moving to online retail, they are hoping to regain their share of the market.

“It’s a very interesting and novel approach,” says Judson Clark, an Edward Jones analyst who projects that Viagra sales Viagra sales could continue to decline 5 percent each year for the next five years. “Whether it returns Viagra to growth is hard to say.”

By making Viagra available online, Pfizer could be setting a new standard for the drug industry. “If it works, everybody will hop on the train,” says Les Funtleyder, a health care strategist at private equity fund Poliwogg. Furthermore, drugs that many find too embarrassing to pick up in person could see a spike in use.

Forget being too embarrassed — this is a blessing to the lazy everywhere. Birth control, anxiety medication, inhalers, all straight to your door!

Viagra Online: Pfizer To Sell Popular Erectile Dysfunction Pill Directly To Patients On Its Website [HuffPo]