Comment Of The Day: Herman Cain Don't Give A Shit

Illustration for article titled Comment Of The Day: Herman Cain Don't Give A Shit

Apparently many people have mistaken Herman Cain for a man who concerns himself with silly things like sexual harassment allegations. Allow Seize to explain:

Illustration for article titled Comment Of The Day: Herman Cain Don't Give A Shit

THIS is HERMAN CAIN. Watch him smile in slow motion. He's a creepy pervert. LOOK, he's ALL OVER THE PLACE. "Whoa, watch out!" says Michele Bachmann. EW, he's got a press conference! Oh, and now another one? OH my GOSH. Oh, Herman Cain is just CRAAAZY.

Herman Cain has been referred to by Politico as the most fearless black guy in the Republican Party. He really doesn't give a shit. If he wants a Presidential nomination, he'll just- EW WHAT IS HE TRYING TO DO TO THAT WOMAN!? OH he's trying to grope her? OH he can grope people backwards in TIME? Now watch this, look, it's a White Christian Republican Lady. Herman Cain don't care. Hermain Cain don't give a shit, he just fondles whoever he wants! Whenever he's horny he just – EW! – he commits SEXUAL ASSAULT! Oh my GOD watch him SPIN IT. Look at him trying to SPIN IT like it was consensual! Herman Cain says he doesn't even REMEMBER those women. Probably because he's never had any regard for any woman EVER.

Look at him just lying and – EW! – CREEPY SMILE! What's that, ANOTHER WHITE REPUBLICAN LADY? And she likes ANIMALS!? Press conference! He's refusing to stop his shitty Presidential campaign! And he says he's 200% MARRIED TO HIS WIFE? Oh, that's NASTY. Whoever she is, she's NASTY. But SMART because she didn't go on TV for this DICK. I hope she runs away with all the alimony and is like, "Thanks, Stupid! Thanks for the house! See you later!" Herman Cain is a huge jerk and she deserves money for dealing with his CRAP.

So do these other ladies. And guess what we're ALL going to talk about for the next few weeks? These other ladies!

HERMAIN CAIN. Look at that creepy fuck!

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Seize: it's about ethics in gossip journalism

Thanks for all the love. I'm not gonna lie that took me like 30 minutes to write and I'm still thinking in an affected lisp.