Clueless Bro Denies Having Herpes, Then Asks Recruiter for Love Advice

In this economy, getting a job is harder than keeping people’s attention after you start sentences with “in this economy.” But one overeager and underreserved college senior really doesn’t seem to understand the ins and outs of job-getting.

Per BroBible (BROS AND BIBLES! MY TWO FAVE THINGS!), the following emailed letter — which can best be described as Inappropriately Oversharey Cold Sore Denying Mr. Lonelyhearts Asks For Career And Love Advice From A Female Recruiter — is being forwarded around like wildfire from bro to bro on Wall Street (Wall Brolevard), and for good reason. It’s ridiculous.

But don’t take it from me. Read it for yourself.

From: REDACTED
Sent: Tuesday, October 01, 2013 11:06 PM
To: REDACTED
Subject: Question

Hey REDACTED,

We talked a couple weeks back at the UW-Milwaukee accounting night. (I was the one looking for equity research positions and had a zit on my lip that could have passed for a cold sore. Lol. Whew. It was not. You’re probably like, “uh.. What?” Maybe that helps you recall, maybe not. Not completely important, I suppose.

Anyways, if you have a chance here is my question: (background first) I interviewed with BDO and Baker Tilly today, two firms that seem like good places to work, I believe they don’t kill you like a big 4. Tomorrow I have an interview with Deloitte :O somewhere I thought I’ve always wanted to work. Obviously I don’t have an offer so this is all hypothetical thinking, but if I get the job, the reality of the situation is that I’m getting old. 25. I know you can’t force love and I know it just comes when you’re not looking, but would working for a big four completely squash any possibilities for potential relationships if one came along? Is working for a big four a potential career – love trade off? I mean, I like money(as do most females) but love is…great 🙂 What are your thoughts?

Thanks!

REDACTED

Sent from my iPhone

I know what you’re thinking: what kind of maniac doesn’t change the default signature on his iPhone’s email? But also: what kind of idiot sends shit like this to recruiters? Redacted guy who doesn’t have herpes, you’re besmirching the good, universally beloved name of the millennial generation!