'Christian Swingers' Site Promises Stunning Mental Gymnastics, Boning

Illustration for article titled Christian Swingers Site Promises Stunning Mental Gymnastics, Boning

A dating site promises to match Christian couples who want to get freaky outside of the loving embrace of God's blessing with other... Christians. I don't understand why this website exists.

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On one hand, you know, you do you, devout freaky deekys. On the other: Oh, boy. Do not want.

Why does it matter, when you're watching your wife fellate a stranger's penis, that the stranger to whom the penis is attached claims he has a personal relationship with the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ when he is not doing sex with your wife? Is it really that important that when you're watching your loving husband balls deep in another woman, the other woman studies from the King James version of the Bible? Is it that important to yell OH GOD only to people who really understand what you mean?

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Human beings are mysterious.

[Christian Nightmares]

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DISCUSSION

This reminds me of the weird phenomenon I only started noticing when I moved to North Carolina (but maybe it's all over and I was very unobservant?), where random businesses here tout their Christian-ness even when the service or product has nothing to do with religion. Want a lawn care service that also serves the Lord? Got that. There's a billboard on the way to Charlotte Douglas Airport that literally says, "Heaven is free (Psalms 3:2*), Parking is almost free - Park'n'Ride"

*not actual Psalm... I try hard not to memorize that stuff anymore.