That thing called A Chris Brown that crawled out of the bottom of a septic tank in 1989 has deleted his Twitter after a particularly nasty showdown with a comedian named Jenny Johnson, which began like this.
Actual retorts from Breezy, citizen of the world, charm school graduate, during the online fracas:
"take them teeth out when u Sucking my dick HOE."
"I should fart while ur giving me top."
"mom says hello... She told me not to shart in ur mouth, wanted me to shit right on the retina."
And, perhaps the worst response: "Just ask Rihanna if she mad??????"
Johnson concluded the feud with, "Okay. I'm done. All I got from that exchange with Chris Brown is that he wants to shit and fart on me ... I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing." UH-dorable. Just to be clear, neither party's winning any awards here. Twitter is where the Siths and Slytherins of the world go to take pointless, abrasive dumps on each other. But, hey, at least his account is gone now. I actually think this is how the Age of Enlightenment started. [MTV News]
Oh cool, Breezy's fans are still harassing her. [Twitter]
Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb visited UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles to discuss harvesting her eggs for a surrogate pregnancy, which sounds great, but let's not forget that Nick Loeb is allegedly a major fucking dickhead. "Nick wants to have a baby with Sofia, but he doesn't want her to lose her gorgeous shape. He also doesn't want to sideline her from earning money." But no, yeah, have a kid, you guys, that will totally fix things. [National Enquirer]
The Spirit of Christmas is hella jubilant, for Taylor Swift is meeting Harry Styles' parents after One Direction's special holiday concert in New York on December 3rd. A source says, "He's been very hush-hush about Taylor, but this is the perfect chance to introduce her to them." It has now become clear that Harry Styles is Taylor Swift's Chuck Bass. Shine on, you crazy diamonds. [Hollywood Life]
The day before he and Selena Gomez broke up last week, Justin Bieber told Oprah that he wants to be married by the time he's twenty-five, and also he gets depressed sometimes. "Not like super, super, super depressed, but I get days where I'm just down and gloomy, just because I'm human. Some days you just feel what you've gone through. You just have pain in your heart because maybe you haven't dealt with [it]." [Gossip Cop]
Morgan Freeman, God, and Morgan Freeman-as-God all support gay marriage.
- If you wanted to know what Jessica Simpson is eating, you are in luck (and also: get a hobby)? [TMZ]
- Camille Grammar went to court to get an emergency restraining order on Kelsey Grammar. [TMZ]
- Sly Stallone has started painting in an effort to work through his grief about the death of his son Sage. [TV3.ie]
- The Naomi Watts-starring Marilyn Monroe biopic Blonde starts shooting in 2013. [Indiewire]
- Tom Cruise shut down Trafalgar Square for a movie, generally annoyed London. [E!]
- Bey and Gwyneth exchanged Christmas recipes (but the typo of "Goop" as "Gloop" in this article is way more important. [The Sun]
- Lindsay Lohan says that many other actors in her position would have "like, committed suicide." [NDTV]
- Oh, and Charlie Sheen may have paid LiLo's taxes for her, no big deal. [NYDN]
- Jane Fonda maybe called off her third wedding. [National Enquirer]
- Tori Spelling had the nerve to leave her house without any stuff on her face. [Radar Online]
- No! One of my favorites, Allison Janney, lost her house to foreclosure. [Radar Online]
- Gross, Olivier Martinez's Miami restaurant was slapped with 13 health violations. [Female First]
- One of Rebel Wilson's first auditions in the States was for Glee and she didn't get it. Joke's on them. [News.com.au]
- Ashmi went out in Rome with doofy hats on. [People]
- "When I eventually looked in the mirror I just thought I looked like my gay brother." —Anne Hathaway on her (awesome) Les Miserables haircut. [Us Weekly]
- My favorite thing about Miley Cyrus's birthday pig from PETA is that it's rather incongruously named "Nora." [Us Weekly]
- Grandmas are into Ryan Gosling. No surprise there. [Page Six]
- Bill Clinton "looked radiant and fit in a tailored blazer" and drank some wine. [Page Six]
- Apparently Eminem and Will Smith were especially good friends to T.I. during his stint in the clink. [Page Six]
- Bjork had vocal cord surgery but she's OK now. [Miami Herald]
- Cersei Lannister from Game of Thrones is selling her house. Want to buy it? [Radar Online]