Image: AP

Whether a woman is allegedly poisoning her doppelgänger with a certain decadently creamy dessert, or a gated community full of racist white residents is leveraging their desire for a Cheesecake Factory as an excuse to secede from the city it is located within, cheesecake news is literally never good. But cheesecake is good, and herein lies the dramatic tension.

You may not realize because, well, it’s a Wednesday, that today is Free Cheesecake Day nationwide in that The Cheesecake Factory was giving away free slices to celebrate the company’s 40th anniversary. Not unlimited slices though, merely 40,000, not enough for a nation. In Arlington, Virginia, the discrepancy between promotion and reality proved dangerous.

ARLnow.com reported that police were called to a Cheesecake Factory on Clarendon Boulevard over reports of large crowds and a fight in progress at the dining establishment. When the police arrived, there was no longer a fight in progress. Apparently the free cake was to blame, according to the article

“The culprit: the Cheesecake Factory is giving away free slices of cheesecake in honor of its 40th anniversary, but only to those who order on Doordash. The result, according to an Arlington County Police spokeswoman: an unruly crowd of delivery drivers inside the restaurant, trying to pick up orders, and a rash of double parking around the Clarendon area.”

An ACPD spokesperson named Ashley Savage told ARLnow.com that one person refused to cooperate with authorities’ request that they leave the restaurant, resulting in a struggle between said individual and the cheesecake cops. Savage says the individual was arrested and is facing disorderly conduct charges and has requested transportation to a local hospital to evaluate potential injuries sustained in the struggle.

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Social media posts from around the country suggest the frenzied vibes in Arlington were replicated at Cheesecake Factories elsewhere.

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I’d like to address The Cheesecake Factory directly now: Next time bring enough treats for the rest of the country or don’t bother celebrating your birthday at all.