In a cruel trial of fans’ willpower and resolve, Selena Gomez has released her new music video for “Wolves” on Apple Music. Here are your instructions.
To start, you will need to visit this address: itunes.apple.com/us/music-video/wolves/1314166939. Then press “View on Apple Music.” May God have mercy on your soul.
Now you will need to click through the new Terms and Conditions which are in 2 point font, so don’t read that, just click “agree,” upon which the iTunes window pops up and you can search, but no, it’s not that’s easy: you will need to sign in. You saw “Bad Liar.” You can do this.
While you search for your iTunes password and login from four email addresses ago, ask yourself: how badly do I need to see 3:32 minutes of Selena Gomez?
If the answer is really insanely badly, then answer the security questions and reset your password and WRITE THAT SHIT DOWN and now run to the garage to search the toolbox for the dried-out Gorilla Glue so you can affix it to your Macbook.
Then pull out your credit card so you can get three months free of Apple Music and then mental note to cancel it later.
Your store session has expired.
Login again, three or four times, navigate back to the iTunes browser window, and voila! If you are one of the two people who made it to this point, here is your reward:
Selena Gomez has broken into a YMCA with several evening gowns to take a shower. Selena Gomez stands on the diving board and casts jewelry out into the pool–leaving evidence that she will break and enter into public facilities to “get to you/to get to you,” she sings. She looks at the security camera, but she is not recorded on the footage presumably because the cameras aren’t logged into iTunes. Shrouded in plumes, she walks on water. We, too, can perform miracles.
Or just watch this, you get the jist: