Celebrities: Stop Lowering Yourselves To Dating Lakers Players

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Because both Us Weekly and People are reporting this one independently, I think we can assume this is a coordinated leak—and therefore legit: Kendall Jenner is totally smooching Lakers guard Jordan Clarkson.


The two went out in West Hollywood after the Lakers game on Wednesday, and according to the tabloids, it was a public coming-out for a thing that’s been going on for a while.

“They have been secretly dating for months and they are super into each other,” a source reveals. “He is super sweet and a total gentleman and Kendall loves that.”

While we’re all Out Here for super sweet total gentlemen—we should all be so lucky!—I am here to tell you that dating a Laker is no longer the profile-raiser it once was.

If you haven’t followed basketball in a few years, the Lakers suck. They really, really suck. They are a disaster of a team, their best young player is despised by his teammates, their coach coaches like he’s got money against them, and they’re still letting old man Kobe Bryant play and put up what might end up being the worst-shooting season in NBA history. They’re a joke. The Clippers are L.A.’s team now, and do you know how shitty things have to be for the Clippers to be preferable to anyone?

I am made to understand that Kendall Jenner is a lesser Kardashian in the grand scheme of things, but she’s still infinitely more famous than Jordan Clarkson, who is a perfectly fine young basketball player. But if this is about raising her profile—her previous fling with Harry Styles would indicate that visibility matters to her—it’s time to look beyond purple and gold. The Lakers brand does not have the cachet it once did.

Look at Iggy Azalea. She learned the hard way that Lakers fiancée Nick Young cheated on her: his teammate D’Angelo Russell filmed Young talking about it, and the video leaked, turning Russell into a locker-room pariah. Meanwhile, Ayesha Curry is getting her own cooking show.


And avoid Kobe Bryant at all costs, obviously.

Here is an incomplete list of good basketball men to date. You will notice that none of them are Lakers. This is not a coincidence.

  • Festus Ezeli
  • Robin Lopez
  • Andre Drummond
  • Ricky Rubio
  • DeMar DeRozan
  • Tiago Splitter
  • John Wall
  • Marcin Gortat
  • Giannis Antetokounmpo

Anyway, maybe Jenner and Clarkson are in love. Good for them.


JujyMonkey: unstable genius

Are those shoes or pants that whatshername is wearing? Man, they look uncomfortable either way.