Carly Fiorina, Who Is Not the Zodiac Killer, Endorses Ted Cruz, Who...Hmm

Illustration for article titled Carly Fiorina, Who Is Not the Zodiac Killer, Endorses Ted Cruz, Who...Hmm

Carly Fiorina, a moderately bad person who dropped out of the Republican presidential race in early February, announced Wednesday that she’s endorsing Ted Cruz, who is probably not the Zodiac Killer. What a match made in whatever afterlife you go to when you make a lot of compromises in life!


Fiorina announced the endorsement during a rally in Miami, telling the crowd she’s “horrified” by Donald Trump. This is nowhere near as excruciatingly uncomfortable as watching Chris Christie glumly endorse Donald Trump, it’s still kind of gross, because, well, here she is two months ago, arguing that Cruz will say “whatever” to get elected.

From Raw Story:

So, okey doke! Here’s the email Carly just sent out to her supporters, in which you can practically feel the smile-through-gritted-teeth she’s baring at everyone who asks how she’s doing:

Ted Cruz is a true constitutional conservative. A real reformer, and a strong leader. And he can and will unite our party, and fix the festering problems in Washington—whether it’s our broken immigration system or the IRS. Ted Cruz is that conservative.

And here’s something I’ve learned throughout my career: if you are a real leader, you absolutely must challenge the status quo. And when you challenge the status quo, you make enemies. It’s the price of leadership. And that price is one too many people aren’t willing to pay, and so they don’t lead.

Ted Cruz has made enemies by taking on the political class. They’re scared we found our guy.

I ran for President because I believe it is time to take our country back—and I still believe that. I still believe we need a candidate who will stand for conservative principles. A nominee who will never settle for the status quo, and who will unite us as Republicans.

It’s deeply unclear who the “political class” is if not Ted Cruz, a current U.S. senator who was previously the solicitor general of Texas, but, OK Carly. This probably isn’t a fun day so we’ll go ahead and give you this one.

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Hahha yes, everything is great, I am so happy to be here: Carly Fiorina in Miami with Ted Cruz, March 9, 2016. Photo via AP Images



Lol, I just had a a massive disconnect and thought Carly Rae Jepsen was endorsing Ted Cruz. I guess she’s the only Carly on my radar.