Many people wear clothes. Some of them are expensive or ornate, and some could be called couture, which is French for, “You’re never gonna wear this, you fucking loser.” But very few physically put themselves in danger for their clothes, risking bodily harm (and the safety of others) if it affords one the opportunity to clank down a red carpet in a full suit of Thierry Mugler body armor, or rotting meat stitched together in the shape of a dress. If you’re Cardi B, however, this could also mean tottering around Paris and barely dodging traffic in the Queen of England’s burial shroud!
The singer told Entertainment Tonight that her defining Paris Fashion Week outfit—a skirt suit in couch cushion florals designed by Richard Quinn—was nearly impossible to navigate in, claiming “It was really blurry, I couldn’t really see much.” If only that same energy was shared by her fellow cohort in the music industry, who chose to either sleep through fashion month, or show up to the Chanel show in jeans. (JEANS!) Sure, her chances of getting hit by a bus skyrocketed—but people die everyday! And as my mom used to say, whenever I’d attempt to sneak off to high school in various Hot Topic ensembles—”Don’t leave the house in something you wouldn’t want to be buried in!” Morbid, yes, but I’d welcome the opportunity to be six feet under in Richard Quinn! [ET]
If it wasn’t already clear, the Olsen twins will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be friends with Candace Cameron Bure. Perhaps it’s her outspoken Republican politics and conservative values, or that she doesn’t chain-smoke enough! No matter the reason, she can expect to have her letters sent back to her and calls left unanswered. At industry events, they’ll politely ignore her from the alcove they’ve chosen to haunt. The chances of running into each other in the Trader Joe’s parking lot are near impossible. And if, for some god awful reason Bure finds herself invited to the Met Gala, she can look forward to peeing in silence while the Olsen’s and every other famous person at the gala shuffle off to smoke in a different bathroom.
You might ask how I know this! For one, Bure told Us Weekly at the 10th annual Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic (the sort of event you expect to find her at) that doesn’t keep up with the twins. Specifically, she offered only two words in response: “I don’t.” She also claimed earlier this year that “They are never coming back on the show! They don’t want to be on the show. The answer’s no!” Too bad! At least she can spend all that free time their non-friendship affords her hanging out with other Republicans and supporting institutions who deny services to gay people! (Someone should get her on the record about Title VII!) [Us Weekly]
- As I previously reported in August, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are fighting for control of a haunted French Chateau. [The Blast]
- Kevin Hart is back at work. [Page Six]
- Dolly Parton wants Reese Witherspoon or Scarlett Johansson to play her in a biopic. [ET]
- Local menace Khloe Kardashian has already donned a burgundy dress and some suede boots. [People]
- Brad Pitt is very sad. [Us Weekly]
- Mark Ruffalo breaks with class solidarity and (rightfully) comes out against fellow millionaire Ellen Degeneres. (Unlike Kristen Bell, Kendall Jenner, and a host of other rich people.) [ET]