Cardi B and Offset Went on a Breakup Sexcation, Which Is Fine

Illustration for article titled Cardi B and Offset Went on a Breakup Sexcation, Which Is Fine
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Once upon a time, Offset and Cardi B were in love. Now, they are not, but apparently they miss boning each other, so they went on a sexcation to revisit the boning. This is normal. This is fine.

Indeed, Cardi B and Offet were both in Puerto Rico over the weekend, and, per social media, they did the sex on the trip. I guess it was good enough to make Offset dance:


Cardi, who recently declared that she missed Offset’s dick (“I want my throat...inside of me...demolishing me...destroying me,” she said), confirmed in an Instagram live video that she reunited with it in Puerto Rico. “I just had to get fucked, that’s all,” she said, according to People. “Bitch feels baptized. I came back to fucking life, bitch.”

Now, in my opinion, break-up sex is sort of complicated. When you can no longer fuck someone you once liked and/or loved, it’s pretty easy to put the dick or whatever on a pedestal. Sometimes, revisiting it once or a dozen times de-glorifies that dick, either because you realize the sex wasn’t actually that good, or because you remember the dick is still attached to an asshole who cheated on you. Sometimes, revisiting it stirs up old feelings, and pushes you headfirst into a pit of hell of your own making.

Either way, heartbreak has many levels. May Cardi find better, less spotlight-stealing dick in 2019.


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Why are we pretending that they are actually broken up?