Canadians Do Not Want This Man on Their Money

It’s been a tough first week of work for King Charles. First, his beloved mum dies. Then his pen doesn’t work. Now, Canada—famously the world’s nicest country—has politely said “no thank you” to changing their money to feature the new king’s mug.

Currently, the $20 bill features an image of Queen Elizabeth—who’s been on their money since 1935. And a new survey conducted by Pollara Strategic Insights shows that 56 percent of Canadians don’t want it updated. The 1982 Canada Act ended Canadian dependence on British Parliament, but Canada remains a constitutional monarchy and part of the Commonwealth. The 1935 $20 banknote, released when Lilibet was only 8 years old, is the only banknote to ever feature a non-reigning member of the royal family. The last updated banknote with the queen was printed in 2012 (in 2015, the Bank of Canada issued a commemorative note featuring a young photo of Liz). Basically, Canada’s been down for eight different iterations of the queen on their bills. But now that it’s Charles’ face in question they’re like, “Sorry to this man.”

Is Canada making a bold feminist statement by refusing to part ways with the queen’s visage!?!? Lol. No. They just want out from under the British boot. According to the Pollara survey, more Canadians are ready to say toodle-oo to being a constitutional monarchy than remain one. And when they asked Canadians under 34, a majority said they’re ready to fully peace out. Australia and New Zealand, two other constitutional monarchies, are being a bit more kind to Chaz: Both countries’ banks will release a King Charles banknote at some point, but have no plans to withdraw the queen’s banknotes from circulation. Even in death and cash, Charles’ mother can’t fully cut the umbilical cord.

Canada isn’t required to change their money now that the queen has passed. The Minister of Finance, Chrystia Freeland, has the ultimate say on who appears on the country’s legal tender. Should she be scouring the internet (quiet quitting, much?!) looking for inspo on who should be on the bill, here are my humble suggestions of famous and wonderful Canadians:

• Sandra Oh
• Joni Mitchell
• Alex Trebek
• Celine Dion
• Avril Lavigne
• Caroline Rhea
• Shania Twain
• Alessia Cara
• Alanis Morissette

Right now, the Canadian one-dollar coin has Queen Elizabeth on one side and a common loon (a bird) on the other. They’re informally referred to as “Loonies.” The two-dollar coins are called “toonies.” (They actually are.) Maybe they can make a commemorative, limited edition coin with Charles’ face on there and call it a “goonie??” Just trying to please everyone, including the world’s most agreeable country and world’s grumpiest king.

Correction: A previous version of this story incorrectly stated that Canada was no longer part of the British Commonwealth. This version has been updated to reflect that change.