Heiress and professional rich person Tamara Ecclestone is very much wants to be like Marie Antoinette. Last year, she spent £1m on a crystal bathtub sourced from the Amazon. From the AMAZON. Could you be any more of an fabulous colonialist when you send a batch of your minions to swoop into the Amazon and seize precious chunks of crystal just so you can bathe in them?! That is some impressive shit.
Worry not, desirous reader: This absurdist luxury is not just for the Ecclestones of the world. You too can spend stupid amounts of money on a vesicle for you to soak and contemplate your life in whilst listening to to Mariah Carey and sipping on Dom Perignon. Catchpole & Rye has revealed a Swarovski Crystal-encrusted bathtub called "Crystal Bateau" (that's French for "You're a Moron"). It's not an exact replica of Tamara's giant, glittering water-holder, but this bathtub did take over 200 hours to create, with thousands of individually placed crystals applied with the end of a pencil covered in tac. The bathtub artisans all suffered at the very least some mild injuries from the amount of times they undoubtedly rolled their eyes while placing their three-thousandth Swarovski crystal on the side of the bathtub, holding their heads in their hands as they drew baths in their sad and cracked normal tubs after a hard day's work. That's probably why the tub costs £150,000 ($227,955 on this side of the pond).
Catchpole and Rye's Managing Director Tony O'Donnell says, "It was to do something exotic. We did a job for a princess in the Middle East and she was very much into her bling, and that's where the idea stems from."
Well, unnamed princess, thank you for inspiring this monstrosity of material desire. Sure, the majority of humanity lives on less than $10 a day, but this is super cute. I love a good sparkle bath!