Bro Loses One Of His Balls During Fraternity Hazing

Illustration for article titled Bro Loses One Of His Balls During Fraternity Hazing

If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it? How about if everyone were letting the cool older fraternity brothers snap you in the balls with towels? For one hopeful member of Wilmington College's Gamma Phi Gamma chapter, the kind of peer pressure his mom probably warned him about resulted in him being down one ball.


According to The Smoking Gun, some dudes, in an effort to make a totally-not-gay commitment to bro down with other dudes, endured quite an ordeal. And the night ended tragically for one of the dude's balls. Here's what they went through (and, important lecture-y caveat to all you youths out there: if your friends threaten your ability to reproduce, then they're not your real friends!)

...the blindfolded pledges were brought to the basement of the fraternity (which is known as "Gobbler House"), where about 20 frat members "were either watching or participating in the pledging."

The basement of the house (seen at right) contained about three inches of water and the pledges were ordered to "lie on the floor and imitate a swimming action." They were then directed to "strip completely nude except for the blindfold" and had "a substance described as being like 'Icy Hot' applied to their nipples, back, buttocks and scrotum."

After having limburger cheese stuffed in their mouths, the pledges were each given a "ball of stuffing" and ordered to "simulate having sexual intercourse with it." Specifically, the trio was told to "fuck the sheep."

The pledges were then hit with "towels and shirts that had the ends balled up in knots" or which had "items tied inside them to inflict pain." Pledge Tyler Lawrence, 19, was struck in the testicles with "a towel fashioned as a weapon..."

Lawrence immediately fell to the ground writhing in pain, as could be expected from a guy who had just taken a direct hit to the testicles. He was able to complete the initiation ritual, according to TSG, which required he eat a banana that was soaked in vinegar while being told it was actually made of human poop.

After the completely unnecessary ceremony was complete, Lawrence ended up in the hospital, where doctors ended up having to remove one of his testicles. Police are investigating the incident, and the fraternity has been suspended. Lesson learned? Meh. Doubt it.

I know this will probably fall on deaf ears but: college students: don't do this to each other, and if someone wants to hurt you as a prerequisite for hanging out with them, then Passion of the Christ, do not continue to want to hang out with them! When I was a freshman, the worst thing the older girls in my dorm made us do was kneel in a semicircle on the floor of one of their rooms and take Peppermint Patty shots (peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup). Be good to each other!

God, when did I become my mother?



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This post made my balls hurt... and they don't even exist o_O