Britain Allows Female Heirs To Be Meaningless Figureheads

Three hundred years of royal precedent has been overturned, as the 16 members of the British Commonwealth States have unanimously approved sweeping changes to the royal succession laws. Among the changes is a new rule that allows female heirs equal footing with male heirs who are in line for the British Throne.

Previously, royal succession laws required that the crown be passed to the firstborn son of the monarch. If there was no son present, the crown went to the daughter.

Other changes approved by the council include getting rid of the rule that a monarch could not be married to a Roman Catholic; they’re now free to cavort with the incense huffers to their heart’s content. Heirs to the throne are not required to seek the monarch’s permission to marry, either.

British Prime Minister David Cameron says that these changes will not be applied retroactively, and thus none of Henry VIII’s non male heir producing wives will have their severed heads reattached. Meanwhile, in Kate Middleton’s ovaries: dancing.