Bristol's Ghostwriter Alleges That Palins Are Human

Illustration for article titled Bristols Ghostwriter Alleges That Palins Are Human

Bristol Palin's ghostwriter Nancy French has really opened up about her time with the Palin family, offering compelling evidence that they are, in fact, actual human beings. There are, however, some holes in her story.

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French talked to Politico about the time she spent living with the Palins while she completed their oldest daughter's memoir, Not Afraid of Life. She paints a pretty convincing portrait of the family as members of Homo sapiens — let's take a look at the data:

  • The Palins have a kitchen. Their kitchen has an island.
  • They eat food. Common Palin dishes include such human favorites as salmon and spaghetti.
  • When they travel, they stay in hotels, a known habitat for humans.
  • They care for their young: says French, "I loved seeing [Sarah Palin] and Todd fussing over Trig, kissing him and playing with him on the floor."
  • They enjoy human pastimes such as bowling.
  • Bristol, at least, appears able to communicate with humans: "We would just sit on the couch and drink coffee and talk," says French.
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The above is certainly compelling, but French does let slip one detail that contradicts her claim: the Palins habitually feast on "moose hot dogs." This leaves open the possibility that they may be aliens, or bears.

Meet Bristol Palin's Ghostwriter [Politico]

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DISCUSSION

arischwartz
Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark

Remember, every minute we try to take down the Palin family, the Bachmanns grow stronger.

We now live in a world where the Palins look relatively normal and acceptable.

Wait a minute.

Holy crap.

I just got it. The secret plan. Bachmann is nothing more than a gambit by the Tea Party to convince Americans that Palin, the one true leader, is in fact sane and "normal." As we all wonder why Bachmann is so batcrap loco, Palin will make herself appear more human through trickery. It's almost like a bizarre version of They Live.

Oh God, oh God, oh God. It appears to be working. This is really bad.