Brad Pitt Asks Us a Series of Questions and We Dutifully Respond

Chanel released a series of short teaser videos from its upcoming Brad Pitt Chanel No. 5 ads so that you can, I dunno, make them your ring tones or something. Pitt’s endorsement of the brand cost Chanel a reported $7 million, so no doubt the company intends to milk it as long and hard as possible; hence the weird ad prequels. Over a still frame of the actor, his shaggy head turned away from the camera as if in shame, Pitt’s voice intones, “Do you feel lucky?” Four-second pause. “Why?”

Not particularly lucky, Brad Pitt. I mean, am I supposed to? Why are you asking me this? Is this a test? Will my response unlock the secret to whether I’m an optimist or a pessimist or some other kind of -ist? Are you actually giving me a Myers-Briggs? Cause I think I already took that one and I got ENTJ. I mean, sometimes I feel lucky but mostly I just feel anxious about whether I should feel lucky, you know? Why? Why? How the hell should I know?

“What’s the mystery?”

Oh, Brad Pitt. Have you never been to the Mystery Spot? It’s really fun. But it might make you feel dizzy. You and Angie should take the kids there sometime.

“Are you going somewhere?” Three-second pause. “Where?”

Yes, Brad Pitt, I’m going to the kitchen. Probably to get a bagel and pick at my big toenail.