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Brad Pitt and Alia Shawkat Are Still Not Dating, Just in Case You Were Wondering

Illustration for article titled Brad Pitt and Alia Shawkat Are Still iNot/i Dating, Just in Case You Were Wondering
Image: Getty

Brad Pitt and Alia Shawkat are probably just looking to hang out, smoke weed, collaborate on the sort of art hobbies you take up when you’re a middle-aged, impossibly famous Oscar winner who just needs to feel something again. What business do any of us have getting involved in what is clearly an average, non-sexual, non-relationship between two people who are definitely just friends?


Us Weekly “reports” that Shawkat has not stopped biking to Pitt’s house to sculpt self-portraits and collaborate on his art studio. Considering it was art that first brought them together—to be just friends!—I’m unsurprised at the development. One source spills: “They’re hanging out plenty. They’re only about 10 minutes away from each other, so Alia will bike or walk to Brad’s place whenever they have time to chill. It’s all very organic and easy.” Later, they claim that “she’s been by his side at the art studio,” where together they “brainstorm” on “projects” they can “get involved in.”

Besides, the outfits she’s worn while biking towards Pitt’s house aren’t the sort of things an It girl like Shawkat would wear when attempting to seduce their best friend slash famous movie actor. She’s giving me New England Inspector Gadget. None of this reads: “Beep beep, out of my way. I’m off to break ’tine so I can get dicked down by my hot boyfriend!”

Illustration for article titled Brad Pitt and Alia Shawkat Are Still iNot/i Dating, Just in Case You Were Wondering
Image: Backgrid

Anyway, a second source who claims to have knowledge of the couple’s quarantine breaking “friendship” insists they’re just best buds. Seems like a satisfactory enough answer to me! Like I’ve been saying, this is a completely regular friendship between two completely regular people who just want to hang out and “make art” together. Godspeed on that bike, Shawkat! Don’t keep your friend—or the paparazzi—waiting. [Us Weekly]


Adele has posted on Instagram for the first time since 2019. With it comes a wave of articles and affirmations from the media about her weight loss. Already, vultures in the health and wellness space are jumping on the opportunity to sell their services, while media outlets can’t help but plaster up side-by-sides about how inspirational it is that she shed a reported seven stones, or 98 pounds.

What these outlets ignore, of course, is that the weight loss is the least interesting story concerning Adele right now. I mean, have you even thought about her potential divorce settlement? As it stands, under California law—considering they both live and work and own properties and businesses here—he might be entitled to half of all the money she’s made and properties she’s bought since they first married in 2011. I’d rather everyone talk about that!


In case it gets deleted forever, I’ve preserved this loving and wholesome Twitter exchange between new parents Claire Boucher and Elon Musk.

Illustration for article titled Brad Pitt and Alia Shawkat Are Still iNot/i Dating, Just in Case You Were Wondering
  • Speaking of babies, don’t forget that Playboi Carti and Iggy Azalea’s baby is due any minute. [TMZ]
  • Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern want J. Lo to star in Big Little Lies. [People]
  • What on Earth could Kyle Richards and Sutton Stracke be talking about? [Daily Mail]
  • Out of all my enemies, Ryan Reynolds seems most likely to have a secret family. [ET]
  • Did 50 Cent kick Wendy Williams out of his pool party or not? I’m getting bored of this. [Hollywood Life]
  • Jennifer Garner went on another walk. [Daily Mail]

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Alia, that is an insane outfit to bike in. The jacket is just begging to get stuck in the gears and send you flying, and the boots are forcing you to pedal with the middle of your foot which is going to leave you sore in a weird way you never knew was possible.

Also, Elon is insufferable.