Blake Shelton Has Read More 'Complete Bullcrap' About His Life This Week Than 'EVER Before'

Illustration for article titled Blake Shelton Has Read More 'Complete Bullcrap' About His Life This Week Than 'EVER Before'

Blake Shelton is so dang mad, y’all. In a series of tweets posted Thursday, he complained about tabloid coverage getting details about his personal and professional life completely wrong, writing:

I’ve read more complete bullcrap about my personal life, my next album and my job on the voice this week than ever before... EVER Before! If my life was half as chaotic as they say it is I’d be dead... My god I wish they’d move on to someone else!!! It’s so old at this point.


You know what, Blake? I don’t want to move on to someone else! I want to write so much bullcrap about your life, your next album, and your job on The Voice that no one ever reads Dirt Bag again!

  • Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani hired a surrogate to carry their child, whom they will name Gwake La Voix Shelton regardless of sex.
  • The surrogate Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani hired to carry their child is the former nanny of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.
  • Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani will get married in Oklahoma while riding a tractor. The guests will be pulled behind them, and will sit on bales of hay.
  • Gavin Rossdale will officiate Blake and Gwen’s wedding. He is currently taking tractor driving classes.
  • Blake Shelton drinks 36 Coors Lights before noon.
  • Blake Shelton doesn’t recycle.
  • Blake Shelton and Adam Levine act like brothers on The Voice...because they are.
  • Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani will release a duets album next month. It will be a TIDAL exclusive.
  • Blake Shelton is cheating on Gwen Stefani with Christina Aguilera.
  • Gwen Stefani is cheating on Blake Shelton with Pharrell.
  • Carson Daly isn’t cheating on anyone.

[Gossip Cop]

Tyga is cool with Rob Kardashian, but still hates Blac Chyna and thinks she’s a bad influence on their son, King. He’s reportedly “alarmed his baby mama was arrested for possessing ecstasy and being wasted in public,” and is getting ready to “wrestle custody from her.”

Writes TMZ:

Tyga has already filed legal docs to change the custody arrangement, and now thinks Chyna’s recent run-in proves he’s the more responsible parent and he should have King during the week, allowing her visitation on weekends.

Kylie’s preparing her break-up text


I originally thought this E! headline said “Nearly Naked Kaley Cuoco Shows Off How She Juggles Motherhood and Waist-Training,” but no. It was Coco. It’s always Coco.


[E! Online]

  • Model Katie May died at 34 after suffering a “massive” stroke. [TMZ]
  • Here are some good Kate Hudson quotes. [Celebitchy]
  • Robin Williams’s daughter Zelda might become an ABC Fami—Freeform star. [People]
  • Drew Barrymore doesn’t think she’s hot “right now.” [Celebitchy]
  • Sofia Vergara and Joe Manganiello are the ugliest people on the planet. [Page Six]
  • Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk are still doing whatever this is. [Page Six]

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The Noble Renard

If I ever get famous I’m planting deliberately false stories of my craziness in the tabloids just so I get to deny them.

Did you know that The Noble Renard once punched a puppy in the face for being too cute?

Have you heard that The Noble Renard is dating five women at the same time, one per day of the week, and on Saturdays he makes them cage-fight for the privilege of Netflix and chill on Sunday?

I heard from an insider source that The Noble Renard eats pizza with a knife and fork.