Black People Hurting Our Troops, Says Ridiculous Fox News Report

Did you know that every single day, America’s troops put their lives on the line so that we can be free to sit in recliners and watch Fox News? Well, looks like some terrible things are afoot in Detroit, where one brave white man has endeavored to expose the treachery of black factory workers partying during their lunch breaks. And all the bald eagles weep gratefully.

Tower Defense and Aerospace Factory Workers Party at Lunch: MyFoxDETROIT.com

Everything in this local Detroit Fox News affiliate report— from the trenchcoat-wearing investigative white guy chasing blue collar factory workers around in his wingtips (nice costume, bro) trying to talk “street” to the thumping club music soundtrack playing in the background that was helpfully added by whoever edited the segment— is so jaw droppingly racist that it almost seems like it couldn’t possibly be real. But it is. In fact, the only way it could have been more racist is if Problem Solver Rob Wolchek wore a white hood and didn’t stop himself from saying the n-word so many times. Fox News: destroying parody since 1996.

The best/most terrible moment in the video, though, comes at about 1:09, when Wolchek confronts a factory worker walking outside the plant. “What do you DO in there?” Wolchek asks, dripping with concern for The Troops.

“Fuck hoes. Rock ice. Throwin’ up gang signs,” responds the man sarcastically.

This is apparently lost on the Problem Solver.

Anyway, get outraged, America. Someone is doing something besides sternly reciting the preamble to the US Constitution while making things that will go on to be touched by our blameless, morally perfect troops.