'Birth Control Reduces Abortion' Study Is Full of Slutty Lies, Says Totally Unbiased Anti-Choice Website

Last week, a very loud BOOM was issued across the land, as Washington University researchers announced that a large scale studied has shown that giving women free long lasting birth control significantly reduces the number of abortions those women have. But never fear, people determined to conclude that birth control is always bad because it leads to sluttery: the non-scientists over at anti-abortion rights websites have revved up their medieval debunking caps and are ON IT.

According to LifeNews (full disclosure, they once called me “Jezebel’s resident juvenile abortion sophist,” without even knowing that is actually my technical job description that I fill out on tax forms and campaign contribution disclosure forms and stuff), the St. Louis area study is WRONG because other studies that weren’t conducted in America concluded that birth control actually leads to more abortions. Plus, the St. Louis study, which involved 9,000 mostly low-income, mostly uninsured women and outfitted them with free long lasting birth control and showed that poor women with free birth control have significantly fewer abortions than their un-birth control’d counterparts, was… it’s just WRONG, okay? Studies have shown! STUDIES HAVE SHOWN! that long term birth control makes women think it’s okay to bathe in jizz, basically, and women who use birth control inevitably get pregnant and have MORE abortions than women who weren’t on birth control and so scared shitless of sex that they just don’t have it and rechannel all their unspent sexual energy into repackaging an outdated and nonsensical religious faith-based agenda into something that’s masquerading as somehow logic or fact-based.

Along those lines, if you’re going to own a boat, don’t buy life jackets. That way, you won’t go boating unless you’re prepared to drown as a consequence of your boating. Life jackets just encourage falling in the water and dying. Studies have shown. Studies have also shown that wearing seatbelts contributes to accident deaths. Studies. Have. Shown.