'Big Cheese Festival' Runs Out of Cheese, 'Ricotta Be Kidding Me!', Says Attendees

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There are few things that could get me to pull out my wallet faster than the chance to buy tickets to something called “The Big Cheese Festival,” but in the case of an event with precisely that name held over the weekend in Brighton, England, I would have suffered intense regrets for spending the cash.


BBC News reports the dreamlike festival, which promised to feature “a plethora of the finest international cheesemakers and mongers showcasing their amazing cheese,” ran out of cheese not long after opening its doors. They’ve blamed inclement weather for the disaster, and explained that “compromises were made” when some vendors found themselves unable to make it to the grounds. I’m not sure what they think “compromise” means, because the cheesemonger no-shows led only to swaths of hungry cheese-lovers greeted with empty cheese booths and long lines for what little remained.

Said one major fromage fan, “It was terrible, an absolute joke. There’s more cheese in Tesco. Even the burger stall was out of cheese.” (Tesco is a British grocery store chain whose inventory has also been affected by the bad weather throughout the U.K.)

Everyone who bought a ticket will will receive a “50% discount to next year’s event,” but I’m not sure it will be enough to compensate for their loss. One cannot spread cash on a cracker or melt a discount over a flame! Pay these poor people back in cheese! Stinky, perishable cheese!

Said my coworker Stassa Edwards, “This is a Monty Python sketch!” She wasn’t kidding.

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man


Supernova: Bullshit Jedi

Ever since I was a wee nova it has been my life goal to own a big wheel of cheese. Now I’m an adult without much expendable income but a whole lot of know how so I’m going to make my own cheese (using powdered milk! Thanks for the info cheese loving doomsday preppers!)