Michelle Obama's 50th birthday party was this weekend; it was shrouded in secrecy (no one was permitted to use social media). Reportedly, President Obama did the dougie — posing a very vexing existential question: if a very important world leader engages in a two-year-old dance craze and no one Vines it, then why the hell did it even happen?

Beyoncé performed for a crowd of all your close friends and confidants, including the Clintons, Samuel L. Jackson, Mary J. Blige, Ashley Judd, Angela Bassett, Jennifer Hudson, James Taylor, Gayle King, Smokey Robinson, Al Roker and Rachael Ray. Some unidentified guest wore sparkly gold pants (James Taylor???). Most importantly, Blue Ivy met Presidential Dog Sunny.

Also, President Obama gave a moving and emotional speech. According to Herbie Hancock, "It was really beautiful and really touching. He said something – his voice almost cracked like he was crying. It was just beautiful, a husband speaking about his wife." Am I the only one who teared up reading that? Ugh, Mondays, guys. [CNN, Us; images via IAmBeyonce and Getty]

Bachelor Juan Pablo Galavis — a man whose current occupation includes groping several butts in a hot tub on television, all the while talking about finding an outdoorsy wife who will be a good role model to his child — has issued a public apology to GLAAD after stating that a gay bachelor would be a bad for children, since gay men are "more pervert" than straight men. Huh. Okay. Here's what his apology said:

I have heard from many gay Latinos today who are hurt because of what I said and I apologize. I know gay parents and I support them and their families. They are good parents and loving families. I am a father and I know the feel of being a father, why wouldn't I want my gay friends to also be happy parents?

I also want gay and lesbian youth to know that it is fine to be who you are. Gay or straight, Black or White, Latin or American, what matters here is to respect who we are.

I look forward to meeting with gay and lesbian families as well as Monica and Wilson from GLAAD. Gay and lesbian people, and the children they are raising, wrongfully face discrimination and I want them to know that I'm on their side.

According to the organization, Juan Pablo will be meeting with LGBT Latinos and their families this week. [NY Daily News]

GIF

Source close to Justin Bieber say that the singer has been abusing sizzurp — a concoction typically made of codeine and promethazine mixed with Sprite and a Jolly rancher — as well as weed and Xanax, and that it's causing him to behave "erratically," which is a bit of an understatement. A number of people close to him have urged him to get into rehab. Here's hoping he gets the help he needs; he seems really, really troubled. [TMZ]

  • Blue Ivy got some tiny little baby cars for her birthday. So, if you've been wondering what to get for the baby who has literally everything, the answer is officially a miniature pink Cadillac. [E!]
  • Laura Linney gave birth to her first child! It's a boy, and she's named him Bennett. Congratulations to her and her husband. [Newser]
  • Emma Thompson photobombed Lupita Nyong'o and it's a thing of inexpressible beauty. [NY Daily News]
  • Nicholas Hoult says that his girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence "deserves it all," and this small utterance was made into several articles because Jennifer Lawrence. [HuffPo]
  • TWO members of One Direction tweeted support at openly homophobic celebrities this week. [ONTD]
  • TOBY FROM PRETTY LITTLE LIARS JOINED THE CAST OF JAMES FRANCO'S THE SOUND AND THE FURY. This news can only be delivered in caps lock because there is so much simultaneously wrong with and right about it. The agonizing prison of time is sooooo "A."[ONTD]
  • Reportedly, no one is excited to see Bruno Mars and his fedora perform at the Super Bowl. [ONTD]
  • Tyra Banks has confirmed on Twitter that a Life Size 2 movie will be happening. [ONTD]
  • Cara Delevingne, Karlie Kloss and Joan Smalls spooned. [The Life Files]
  • Today in excellent headlines: "Woman shrieks on plane after getting two Oscar nominations." [NY Daily News]
  • Here's a video of The Best of the SGA Mani Cam, if that's something you're into. [E!]