Beyonce and Solange Totally Bailed On Their Dad's Wedding

Illustration for article titled Beyonce and Solange Totally Bailed On Their Dad's Wedding

Neither Beyoncé or Solange showed up at Matthew Knowles' wedding to their new Stepmomcé Gena Avery in Houston, Texas. " "Unfortunately, Beyonce and Solange had previous engagements which made it impossible for them to attend," said the newly-wedded Knowles. There should be a reality show in which family therapists compete to make the Knowles family their clients. Perhaps it should be called Therapyoncé. You are welcome, Bravo. [TMZ, Us Weekly]

John Mayer uncharacteristically acknowledged the female human he is dating during a concert at Summerfest in Milwaulkee. "She was more incredible than I ever thought. She was so patient as to continue to get to know me and love me. I want to dedicate this song to my Katy, who is my face to call home." I am glad Katy Perry, John Mayer and John Mayer's David Duke cock are happy. [NYDN]


Illustration for article titled Beyonce and Solange Totally Bailed On Their Dad's Wedding

When Paris Jackson leaves the hospital, she is headed for a boarding school in Utah, chosen for her by Debbie Rowe — specifically, the "$10 million Diamond Ranch Academy in Utah, a treatment centre for struggling children." The family hopes to get her off social media, fearing a relapse if she goes back to Twitter. [Page Six]


50 Cent was really mean to his 16-year-old son over text shortly before his domestic violence charge. "Fuck you, delete my number." “I need a blood test cause that d*ck sucking b*tch you call mom was f*cking the hole [sic] time." “Tell your mother she won. She has you and ill [sic] make another. I will have nothing to do with you. Don’t text me ever again.” There's a whole transcript of this, if you feel like reading something sad and horrible. [Radar Online]

  • Prince William's cousin Zara Tindall is pregnant. [People]
  • Michael Lohan is a calcium deposit on the ass of the world. [Radar Online]
  • Gisele Bundchen cuddled with her offspraaaang.
  • My dad's imaginary girlfriend Heather Locklear wore a bikini. [Us Weekly]
  • LeAnn Rimes was bullied in the sixth grade. [Us Weekly]
  • Michael Jackson's former tour manager's computer was subpoenaed in the trial. [Page Six]
  • Baby Goose spent a low key weekend in the Hamptons. [Page Six]
  • Dude, I would drain the blood of a human being to spend an evening with Susan Lucci, Michael Kors and Liza Minnelli. [Page Six]
  • Someone blew up the spot of Leonardo DiCaprio and his 20-year-old model girlfriend Toni Garn. [Page Six]
  • The GOP hates Alec Baldwin. [NYDN]
  • Kim Bauer got married. [NYDN]
  • Um, Rebecca Black covered "We Can't Stop" by Miley Cyrus. I think I can stop now actually? [E!]
  • Bradley Cooper and Gerard Butler took a selfie at Wimbledon. [E!]
  • This would be Heidi Klum's sunburnt posterior. [NYDN]
  • Taylor Lautner "snuggled" with "a brunette." [Page Six]
  • Paris Hilton recreated the Coppertone girl ads sans buttcheek. [Page Six]

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"...who is my face to call home."