Barry's 24-Hour Product Diary: Blog Life
LatestAs of this week I am 32. It feels old. It is not old, but things like full-day hangovers and friends having babies make it feel old. My hair has a little patch that’s starting to thin, and my forehead is creased, and my eyes have little lines at the corners when I smile. It is all downhill from here unless I fight back using everything modern cosmetic science has to offer. I’m lazy as shit, though. I’m going to keep on not washing my face.
7 A.M.
I am not a morning person and yet I wake up ass-early. My schedule is vestigial—back when Deadspin was three writers and I was the most junior, I was ordered to get up first to make sure there were blogs on the site. Now I’m an editor and I still get up first to make sure there are blogs on the site. Every goddamn morning I think about changing my schedule. But I probably never will because my brain never finds that happy medium between thoughtful and spacey better than it does from underneath a caul of grogginess.
First things first: shower time. My body wash is from CVS. It’s the cheapest per ounce at the store, and the store is the closest one to my house. I like it because it’s labeled “face and body” wash, because I guess some people think you shouldn’t use body wash on your face? This one assures me it’s OK. I generally rotate through the scents, so it’s not as if “Romance” was a conscious choice.
For shampoo, Suave is as good as anything. The OGX Nourishing Coconut Milk Conditioner was forced upon my apartment by an ex-girlfriend who made its presence a requirement for her to spend the night. But it’s been a been a bunch of months since then, and there’s still a lot in the bottle, so I guess I don’t really use conditioner all that often. I should give it away. Do you want this conditioner? It smells really good! But conditioner always makes my hair feel like I didn’t thoroughly wash out all the shampoo.
Time to shave. I use a Philips Norelco Multigroom every week or so to keep my beard neat. To shave my neck I’m quite loyal to my Gillette Fusion Proglide—I know it’s probably marketing horsecrap, but I swear I cut myself less with Flexball razors. I prefer shaving cream to shaving gel, and Barbasol with aloe is solid. I adore aftershave—the way it burns in any cuts, the alcohol-crisp sting—but I’m not picky on the brand. My current one is a generic CVS version of Mennen Skin Bracer.
I do not brush my teeth just yet, because coffee immediately follows a shower and precedes a blog. This is non-negotiable. Thin, watery coffee is fine. I used to drink instant. Now I have a Keurig. I know what you’re going to say to that, but I urge you to save your breath and take your argument to the toilet where it belongs.
Some hours later
I like to go in to the office late. What’s the point of having a job that lets you work from home if you don’t use that flexibility to make sure you never have to spend eight full hours in an office? A commute around 11 a.m. or even noon allows me to avoid the teens on the subway, which is a nice bonus.