Illustration for article titled Ban on Female Fighters Breast Implants Enacted For Douchiest Reasons

Last week, the Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission issued an "emergency rule" barring women who have breast implants from competing in MMA fights unless they have express written permission from the doctors who performed their surgery. Why? For the douchiest, stupidest possible reasons.


Titpocalypse began a few weeks ago, when a female MMA fighter was forced to withdraw from a match after one of her implants was ruptured. Apparently this was a serious enough issue that it warranted a meeting at the Louisiana state capitol, where a bunch of dudes harumphed and HEAR HEAR'd about Fighting While Boobalicious and ultimately decided that "If [women] want to look good, then they don't have to be in the ring." (That's a direct quote from commissioner Harold Williams, by the way). If women want to look good, then they should not be participating in organized fighting.

I could grow an entire field of organic soybeans with all the bullshit in that last sentence.


But it doesn't stop there, according to the Times Picayune. Not only did a guy who serves on a board that meets in the state capitol essentially advocate barring women with boob jobs from doing anything that might endanger that boob job, another admitted that they weren't worried about women's health as much as they were worried about how expensive it is to fix a breast implant. ""Those redo surgeries are more complicated and expensive," said Dr. Thomas Ferguson, who also sits on the commission. He added that the new rule requiring a doctor sign off before a woman finds herself in a possible titpunch scenario would likely keep most women with implants from competing, as "I don't know of a single plastic surgeon who is going to allow his artistic work to be messed up."

Imagine if the Louisiana State Boxing and Wrestling Commission officials handled brain injuries with the same seriousness that they handled breast injuries; last I've checked, no one has killed themselves or gone on a violent rampage because of a breast injury.


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