Arkansas Judge Fills Message Board With Helpful Info on Sluts

The internet is rife with opportunities to take your dick out and swing it around on forums where users don’t have to post under their real names. Unfortunately, if you’re a public official taking advantage of the internet’s illusion of anonymity to commit some major ethical faux pas, it doesn’t take many carelessly dropped personal details before dogged political opponents with a modicum of savvy to come for you.

That’s exactly what happened to Arkansas Judge Mike Maggio, who, prior to this week, when he wasn’t focusing on being a candidate for the Arkansas Court of Appeals, had a long and storied commenting history on an LSU fan message board, where he commented as “geauxjudge.”

And hoo doggies, did he say lots of stuff! Bad, idiot stuff. Lots of sad, homophobic stuff about how gays are icky. Like this helpful bit of information on how a Las Vegas story of a woman having sex with a pitbull is basically just like gay sex or transgender sex or any sex that isn’t the sort of sex Mike Maggio has with his personal penis.

And there’s this, about how taking kids to Disney World during Gay/Lesbian week was just the pits because he had to explain to his kids why two guys were kissing. Judge Mike Maggio is literally the imaginary bigot from that Louis CK bit.

He’s got stuff to say about men and women, too. Like a great joke about “rodeo sex,” which is where you bend a woman over with your penis inside her and then tell her “this is how your sister liked it” and then hold on for 8 seconds! Lolololololol. There’s also lots of stuff about how women are all about bulges on men — the bulge in his penis area and the bulge in his wallet area. Maggio is also thoughtful about race, like how Kim Kardashian is “black by injection,” and frequently posted stuff about gay marriage being the END OF AMERICA AS WE KNOW IT.

But not only was Judge Maggio a racist, sexist homophobe, he was also — surprise — an actual idiot.

In 1950, marginal tax rates were much higher than they are today. Yeah, no. Not correct.

So how did geauxjudge come to be doxxed? Wasn’t that tough for Matt Campbell at the Blue Hog report. Geauxjudge had a habit of dropping details of his life into his posts that were easy to check against his publicly available bio — details like transferring from one law school to another (he named both) and where he attended college as an undergrad. He even shared his high school and year of graduation.

But the smoking gun was how geauxjudge sure thought a lot about the golfing skills of high schooler Mary Maggio. Judge Maggio’s daughter.

Now, Judge Maggio has a right to free speech and to show his whole ass to the big anonymous internet if that’s what he wants to do. But what Judge Maggio doesn’t have a right to do is share confidential information about legal proceedings to which he’s privvy. Like the one that dealt with Charlize Theron’s adoption. Geauxjudge posted details of the adoption to the message board in January of 2012, two months before the actress made details of her adoption of a black South African child public.

He said a ‘judge friend’ handled the case, before admitting that he was also involved in the case. When a poster asked if she had adopted a black child, he said that she had.

Such proceedings are confidential in Arkansas, and there are no cases in the state’s online court records that mention Theron’s name. Her publicist, Amanda Silverman, declined to comment.

Oopsie-daisy.

Maggio isn’t the first person in recent weeks to make news for getting a little too comfortable with internet anonymity; a woman who accused indie rocker Conor Oberst of rape on an XOJane comment thread is currently being sued for a million bucks for spreading what Oberst calls damage to his “reputation, standing in the community, shame, mortification, hurt feelings, embarrassment, and humiliation.” Anonymity on the web is much less anonymous than most of the anonymous would like to believe, and people like Oberst’s accuser and Mike Maggio are learning that words — even anonymous ones — have consequences.

After Campbell put the pieces together, fallout moved at the speed of internet for Maggio, a Huckabee appointee. On Wednesday, he announced that he was no longer running for Arkansas Court of Appeals, and his current term expires this year. He’s currently under investigation for his online activities, and he’s offered an apology, the gist of which is “Sorry I’m a human shitstain; can I please continue to be paid by tax money? Thank you.”

Until the commission acts or he resigns, Mike “sluts are just whores in training” Maggio remains a sitting judge.