Tails, one might say, are hugely popular. Everybody wears them: Jezebel staffer Joanna Rothkopf, for example. Jezebel staffer Megan Reynolds, for another example. Shia LaBeouf in 2015. The devil Himself. My cat Bunny. My other cat that technically belongs to my parents. But what about tails made of chain metal hanging in between your front-parts and back-parts? Are those going to be hugely popular also? I think: yes.
A Tokyo-based company called BoDivas is selling something called the “Beachtail,” an elegant statement piece made of a three-inch metal chain with a few “dangle parts” on it that accentuates the vagina and proves to the entire beach how strong and immune to irritation it really is. What a splash!
BoDivas refers to this item as a “sexy charm for bikini crotch,”which brings an entirely new and different question to mind: is the beach charm, in fact, the new Towel Charm, a charm used to differentiate one’s matching towels that Karen Pence invented for no discernible reason? Does Karen Pence know about this? Has she purchased one for each of her bees? Is our Second Lady, in fact, rocking a Beachtail right at this very moment?
Here’s what I know: there is currently no proof that she isn’t. If you’d like a bad rash, you can buy it yourself for $19.50 to $22.50.
CORRECTION: A previous version of this post referred to Karen Pence’s Towel Charm business as “sadly defunct.” In fact, the website appears to be back up and running. We are devastated by the error.