Earlier today, the Daily News published a photo of Dr. Walter Palmer walking around Minnesota. After examining it closely, my coworkers and I have come to the conclusion that Cecil the Lion’s killer may, in fact, be the notorious airplane hijacker D.B. Cooper as well as one of the elusive creatures known to many as the Sasquatch.

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Based on his reported age of 55, Palmer would have been 11 at the time of the hijacking, but it’s more than possible for the dentist to have made himself younger when creating a new identity after parachuting safely to the ground somewhere in the Pacific Northwest—the area where Bigfoots and their brethren are said to reside. After befriending the creatures and being accepted into their Sasquad, Palmer could have waited for the heat to die down before rejoining society a number of years later under his new name.

I know it sounds far-fetched, but just look at these photos. Dr. Walter Palmer has the face of a hijacker and the gait of someone trying to fit in with a group of fur-covered humanoids.

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And with that, two great American mysteries have been solved.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Images via Wikipedia Commons/Screengrab.