Stephen Hawking is shopping for a new voice. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with his old one, it’s just that he’s had it for 30 years and he’s ready to swap it out. Happily, celebrities ranging from Liam Neeson to Anna Kendrick to Rebel Wilson to Lin-Manuel Miranda were more than willing to offer their services, each vying pitifully to have their vocal cords associated with one of the greatest minds in modern physics.
“Stephen...it’s me...surely it has to be me,” said Neeson in his fake audition tape, his neck wrapped tight in a heavy scarf despite being indoors. Kylie Minogue, standing under the shade of a tree, insisted she should be his new voice, since all of her songs are about...science. Lin-Manuel rapped.
“No.” Hawking said, his horror palpable.
The production was created for British charity Comic Relief’s Red Nose Day, a high profile telethon that raises money for kids both in the U.S. and in poor communities in developing countries.
In the end, Hawking ultimately rejected each celebrity entreaty, selecting instead Sir Michael Caine. He didn’t even have to audition. Figures.