Andrew Garfield Says He’s Felt Pressure to Have Kids Before Turning 40

There are few things tabloids love more than speculating on whether or not a a celebrity is trying to become a parent. It’s invasive and weird—but recently, a handful of actors have, on their own terms, shared thoughts and stories about the pressures of potential parenthood: Last week, Jennifer Aniston revealed that she was trying to get pregnant during the years-long media maelstrom over her supposedly selfish choice to choose her career kids. Last month, Hilary Swank announced that she is pregnant with twins at age 48. And now, Andrew Garfield has entered the chat.

In a new interview with British GQ, Garfield said he felt guilt about not having kids and making his mother a grandmother before she died in 2019. Now, at age 39, he told the magazine he’s had to let go of certain expectations he once had about where his life would go.

“Releasing myself from the societal obligation of procreating by the time I’m 40 has been an interesting thing to do with myself,” Garfield said. “Where do I start with why it didn’t happen? It’s more about accepting a different path than what was kind of expected of me from birth. Like by this time you will have done this, and you will have at least one child—that kind of thing.”

“I think I have some guilt around that,” he said, before adding a crucial caveat: “And obviously, it’s easier for me as a man.”

Garfield is right: Cultural pressures and hellish policy landscapes around family planning are without question “easier” for men. Women spend years of our lives navigating a minefield of birth control options and thinking about not getting pregnant (or how to safely end an unwanted pregnancy, which has recently become much more complicated in many parts of the U.S.). And then, in classic bait-and-switch fashion, we’re told that actually, life revolves around our biological clocks, and we should try to have kids—despite all the existential dangers posed by pregnancy and the horrific dearth of government support for parents—or at the very least we should freeze our eggs, game out our fertility, and try our damndest to “have it all.”

It’s all insanely frustrating—but it doesn’t negate the weight of expectations that men struggle with, too. “My dad [has] lost his wife, and I think all he’s meant to do right now, for the most part—it’s going to make me cry—is play with his grandkids, and create this back garden,” Garfield told GQ, before tearing up.

He said he’s the only one of his high school friends who remains childless and unmarried: “I always thought I would be the first to have kids and settle down, and they’re all shacked up and a couple of kids deep, for the most part.”

This is what we mean when we say the patriarchy is bad for everyone. No one benefits from having arbitrary schedules imposed on our lives, or from checklists for how things should pan out and in what order. I’m glad that Garfield has been able to release himself from some of the expectations he once struggled with, and hope that he is able to create the family situation that works best for him whenever he’s ready to do so.

To that end, let me just say: If Garfield is indeed looking for someone to “procreate” with now or in the near future…I am available.