Anderson Cooper Pulling Dazed Viewers from the Oprah Diaspora

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All those former Oprah viewers wandering dazed and confused through the desert of daytime television have started latching on to Anderson Cooper, the silver-haired talkshow prophet who received journalistic superpowers after being struck by lightning seven times in a row. Or something like that — anyway, Anderson Live is no longer struggling after recording a 67 percent ratings spike in the New York Market from last week among the key demographic of women 25 to 54.

This (vast) improvement over previous numbers for Anderson Cooper's talk show owes itself, according to The Hollywood Report, to a new format, including a name change from Anderson to the slightly-less narcissistic Anderson Live, as well as the addition of a daily guest host. That may be all well and good, but the New York Observer, ahem, observes that Anderson Live might be benefitting from the "continued diaspora of former Oprah viewers," who were found and now are lost thanks to Oprah's absence from the daytime talk show thunderdome, an arena that Dr. Phil continues to dominate.

‘Anderson Cooper Live' Surges Among Key Viewing Audience [THR]

Anderson Cooper Profits from Oprah's Absence [Observer]

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Times were hard during the Oprah Diaspora. Entire families of 18-55 year old women would wearily move from channel to channel in their desperate search for essential resources: food that was a low-fat, low-carb alternative to more decadent edibles; shelter that was tastefully decorated with easy-to-make crafts; and Oprah’s favorite cashmere sweaters. Without the voice of a leader in the community, many went months or even years without knowing what to read, and resorted to volumes of highly addictive, toxic novels about abusive BDSM relationships. The very fabric of society, it seemed, was crumbling before them.


June 23, 2011

Dearest Mother,

It has been a month now, and still no word of General Winfrey. Some of the other women fear the worst, but I endeavor tirelessly to maintain lively spirits among us all. Yet even my faith, I fear, has been shaken at its very foundation. Some others hear talk of a network dedicated entirely to Oprah, and indeed have begun the journey all the way up to the Discovery Health channel to try and find it: those quixotic souls are never heard from again. Indeed, I believe it is a fool’s errand.

Mother, you are in my thoughts day and night. I pray to our benevolent and just God that you are in Her good graces and that you can forgive my doubt.


Corporal LaComtesse