And Then There Was One Bachelorette

Illustration for article titled And Then There Was One Bachelorette

“My husband is in that room,” Kaitlyn said. I’ll be “devastated” if I’m not chosen, claimed Britt. And yet, as were the rules in this season’s Hunger Games 2 scenario (the victors begrudgingly return to battle though they’ve been promised peace and quiet), one of them had to go.


Though we sat through two hours of wondering and waiting whether Britt or Kaitlyn would be chosen as Bachelorette on Monday, ABC was quick to the draw Tuesday night, telling the women within the first five minutes of the episode who it would be. For anyone plugged into the internet, the answer was clear: though, according to Chris Harrison, “the vote was very close,” Britt was sent home. It was news that, with her big wannabe-actress eyes wide open, prompted Britt to say, “I didn’t see that coming at all.”

“No, it’s not your fault at all,” she told Chris Harrison as he comforted her (um, as a producer of the show, it kinda is). But after a brief cry in the car, it was back to Kaitlyn, and the carnage she’d been left with: a pile of men whose motives she wasn’t quite certain of.

Kaitlyn’s excitement at first seemed to merely be beating another out for the title of Bachelorette, and isn’t that what getting chosen to return to this franchise is about: a chance to redeem yourself in the eyes of the public. “Hands down, best moment of my life. Hands down,” said Kaitlyn, who was basically glowing, before realizing suddenly that she’d have to send dudes home.

“There’s only one drinking fountain and we all must stand in the same line,” said Tony the Healer, revealing that things had essentially returned to the way they always are on this show, the balance of order back, the “empowerment” scam over. Besides a brief moment in which Brady said he must leave Kaitlyn and go off and chase his potential love Britt (yeah, good luck with that), there was little to suggest in last night’s episode that things will be particularly different this season. ABC got you in the door with their latest gimmick, and they hope that will be enough to keep you coming back to this particular magic fountain.

Or will this season be different? The promo for the rest of it certainly seemed hell-bent on making you think so. The most exciting part suggested that Kaitlyn is a bit looser than previous Bachelorettes, a term I use entirely as a compliment. The carefully edited together clips from the coming episodes suggest that she has sex with a contestant earlier than the Fantasy Suite episode, and from her past admissions, that seems quite possible.

“I don’t understand, it just happened. I don’t think I’m a bad person and I’m not ashamed of myself,” Kaitlyn is quoted as saying, explaining that whatever she’s done, it was “a huge mistake” and she went “too far, too fast.” Other quotes:

  • “It’s hard for me to admit it, but we had sex.”
  • “I don’t care what people say or think, but this is a marriage, and part of that is intimacy.”
  • Contestant Ian to Kaitlyn: “I feel like you’re here to make out with a bunch of dudes on TV.”

Perhaps Kaitlyn will be “different,” and wouldn’t it be swell if this new gimmick, which was so lambasted before it even began, made her so — more confident, more herself. So many predicted that Britt would be chosen by the men (even Britt seemed to think so) that perhaps Kaitlyn ran with her win this season, doing things she might not have under other circumstances. Or maybe this is just Kaitlyn being Kaitlyn. Either way, good for her. If one thing comes out of this season, at least somebody got some action earlier than they were supposed to, even if they’ll be punished for it all the same.

Image via ABC

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Feminist Kittenjoy [is back after a long hiatus]

I love your recaps, Kate. And I hope Kaitlyn is just there to make out with a bunch of dudes because why the fuck not?