And the Winner of March Madness: Pre-Apocalypse vs. Post-Apocalypse Is...

Illustration: Jim Cooke/GMG Art

Well, here we are. The sun is dying, the oceans are boiling, the bees are dead, and the battle between Pre-Apocalypse and Post-Apocalypse has reached its pinnacle, with Indoor Plumbing (12) fighting Unlimited Time Off (9) for the ultimate title. And the winner is—drumroll, please:

Indoor Plumbing!

You are a simple folk, not swayed by the charms of Online Shopping or Dramatic Sex or An Ocean With Fish In It. All you want is to do your poops in peace, and to that I say god bless, and enjoy it while it lasts.

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It’s been so fun doing this sports game with you guys! See you next year, if Alexa will allow it.

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About the author

Ellie Shechet

Ellie is a freelance writer and former senior writer at Jezebel. She is pursuing a master's degree in science journalism at Columbia University in the fall.