And Now, Diane Kruger Will Perform a Monologue About New York, the Gym, and Her Clothes

Illustration for article titled And Now, Diane Kruger Will Perform a Monologue About New York, the Gym, and Her Clothes

Queen of Page Six (haven’t they been particularly great lately?) Cindy Adams interviewed newly single Diane Kruger about her new film Disorder and recent move to New York City. Though I don’t think I could name the last time I read an interview with Kruger that left me feeling much of anything (though I did rewatch National Treasure recently and lemme tell you, it’s a fun romp), the responses Adams included in this particular piece are sort of poetic.

When stripped of commentary and questioning, the resulting quote reads like a monologue Kruger would perform while auditioning for a movie called, oh, something like Mary Alexander’s Big, Big Apple Move:

“I lived here 20 years ago. I miss it. My friends are here. I come to New York so much. It has the best food. I love the yellow cabs. I visit Brooklyn. I take the subway. I don’t like stairs too much so I now have a bike. I go to the gym four times a week. No treadmill but I lift weights. I’ll never have a butt like Beyoncé but my body needs toning. There’s no problem being recognized because you hide in jeans, T-shirt, big hat, no makeup and nobody knows you. I don’t struggle with clothes. Every three months I clean out my wardrobe. I keep something maybe six months.”


Annnnnnnnnnnd scene.

[Page Six]

Prince Harry might be dating an Onassis, which is exactly what the world needs. Or, I suppose, it’s exactly what the tabloid world thinks the rest of the world needs. Actually, we need none of it, but let me tell you about it anyway.

Athina Onassis is the “only surviving descendant” of Aristotle Onassis, the man who famously married Jackie Kennedy after the assassination of her first husband. An Australian magazine is claiming that she has recently “found comfort in the arms of her close friend Prince Harry of Wales, after her devastating divorce with Brazilian Alvaro de Miranda Neto.”

They continue:

“He may have no shortage of female admirers, but Prince Harry appears to be a sucker for a damsel in distress – providing a shoulder to cry on for his pal Athina Onassis in the wake of her heartbreaking marriage split.”


Not to push a relationship on anyone but I truly wish Harry would just find someone to focus on because the rumors surrounding him and literally every single woman in Europe are starting to get on my nerves. How dare (allegedly) fucking an Onassis be this uninteresting!


*narrows eyes*


Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


An ode to Jezebel, by Sodburger:

I have lurked here for years, finally making a kinja account 3 years ago. I will miss it. My friends are here. I come to Jezebel so much. It has the best articles. I love the dirtbag. I visit The Slot. I take the think pieces about feminism seriously. I don’t like this Titanic Senior Week stuff too much so I now I don’t read it. I go to The Muse four times a week. No sports fan but I read Deadspin. I’ll never be as woke as Kara but my mind is getting sharper. There’s no problem speaking your mind because nobody knows you (cept my cousin - what up Chinju!). I don’t struggle with my opinions. Every three months I consider reading less and working more. I keep my comments forever.