Kylie Jenner was spotted by photographers Tuesday morning as she delivered snacks to best friend StassieBaby—that’s Anastasia Karanikolaou to the rest of us—and she was looking rather different than usual. Unfortunately, certain paparazzi shots are pretty expensive, and Jezebel cannot afford to show them to you. In lieu of the originals, I have interpreted the photographs with the above work of art, and will now describe them to you.
In the photographs, Jenner was exiting a gold G-Wagon carrying an armload of snacks: Lays Kettle Cooked Chips and what appeared to be coconut water. She partially hid behind a parked sports car, and her hair was in a bun, pulled back straight to reveal her grown-in brown roots. If she had nails on, they weren’t visible, but brief flashes of her hand did show a noticeable lack of color or curved acrylic tips. Instead of her usual arched, microbladed eyebrows, they were shorter, and noticeably brown like her roots. She wore a tie-dye sweatshirt that varied between pink, green, purple, blue, and yellow—but it was mostly pink, hence the representation as such in the above illustration. Perplexingly, she was subsequently photographed wandering the street around StassieBaby’s house without any shoes on.
Kylie was paler than usual, her skin pinkish and red from the blistery cold mornings currently besieging the San Fernando Valley. (It was in the 50s this morning!) She also appeared to be smiling! In the months spent away from prying photographers and gossip reporters, her life has probably eased itself quite a bit, alongside de-escalating self-tanning routines and Juvederm appointments.
If you’re genuinely curious about these photos, enterprising Twitter users have already done their thing. You can view them, in all their socially distanced glory, here, if you must. But as an artist, the apotheosis of the Kylie Jenner myth I’ve captured above is “truer” than any paparazzi shot you may see.