Amy Winehouse, the woman whose vice launched a thousand uncreative postmortem jokes about rehab, was in the process of adopting a 10-year-old St. Lucian girl when she died last Saturday. The singer had booked a plane ticket to fly there next week to visit her. The whole thing’s pretty weird- first, I realize that famous people are usually fast-tracked in the adoption process, and I understand that some addicts make lovely parents, but isn’t it, as a general rule, a good idea to make sure that someone can take care of themselves before courts grant them the legal right/responsibility to care for someone else? Maybe I’m just old fashioned. Second, the girl already has a mother and a grandmother, so Winehouse would have been pulling a bit of a Madonna (as in Material Girl from Detroit with mysterious British accent, not God’s special lady). Third, there was talk of Winehouse moving to St. Lucia to mom all over the girl, which is ultra weird because, like I mentioned before, the girl already has a mother.
[ONTD]
- Enrique Iglesias has the smallest penis in the world, according to Enrique Iglesias. Well, that’s a shame. [E!]
- Kim and Kortney Kardashian got all dolled up to attend Mel B’s baby shower. Wearing klothes, going to parties, talk of weddings and babies, leaving the mouth hanging open at all times. Keeping up with the Kardashians sure is not difficult. In fact, I’d be willing to venture a guess that most people with moderate levels of fitness could not only Keep Up with those Kardashians, but also probably beat them in a footrace with ease. [Radar Online]
- Jessica Simpson still doesn’t have a wedding dress. Hopefully, by the end of the weekend, congressional negotiations RE: Jessica Simpson’s wedding dress will be resolved and America will involve a D-List Celebrity Wedding Dress Default. [Contact Music]
- Scarlett Johansson has turned down an invitation to the Marine Ball, which is sort of becoming the celebrity equivalent of the draft. Members of the Maxim Hot 100 quiver in fear that their numbers may also be called and they’ll have to face the Sophie’s Choice of saying yes and having an awkward evening with a horny stranger who has been trained in dozens of ways to kill a man, or say no and be that jerk who turned down one of America’s Bin Laden-killing Heroes. If an actress who turns down a Marine Ball invite runs for President, her legacy will be forever tainted by her Ball-invite-dodging. [Buzzfeed]
- Ashton Kutcher‘s trailer on the set of Two and a Half Men is totally outrageous and large, with various expandable sections and bells and whistles. And (I hope) elaborate Rube Goldberg breakfast machines. [TMZ]http://www.tmz.com/2011/07/31/ash…
- Christian Bale is in Pittsburgh shooting The Dark Knight Rises with Tom Hardy, who is wearing a mask that renders his normally extremely sit-on-able face less welcoming. [Just Jared]
- Ryan Phillippe was present at the birth of his ex girlfriend’s baby. The child has Ryan’s last name. But Ryan is not listed as the father on the birth certificate. [TMZ]
- Rihanna prepares for photoshoots with a combination of body hair removal and starvation. Like the world’s vainest monk. [Daily Mail]
- Fergie admitted that kicking her crystal meth habit was hard, but that her addiction led to both “brilliance and disaster.” She then repeated the line “brilliance and disaster” a thousand times over a thumping club beat and released it as a single, and everyone in America loved it, because we are a nation whose hearts will not be phunked with and who don’t care that “How come every time you come around my London London Bridge wanna go down?” doesn’t make sense as a metaphor or as a concept, because what the fuck is your London Bridge, Fergie? but it’s okay, I’m drunk and I’ve got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good good night. The Black Eyed Peas’ career strategy- writing music that is only listened to by people at clubs who have already knocked back a couple of drinks or taken a couple of lines- is brilliant because it gives them so much lyrical leeway to write lyrics that wouldn’t stand up to sober scrutiny. [Showbiz Spy]
- Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton went out to dinner to discuss, I don’t know, hair extensions. The evening, of course, ended with Lohan falling down. [ONTD]
- Miley Cyrus got an equal sign on her finger to signify that she’s totally in favor of gay rights. It’s a pader in the USA! [HuffPo]
- Jon Gosselin has joined an adult soccer league and injured himself when he pulled a muscle, which is surprising, because he seems a lot more like the breaking-a-hand-while- punching-a-goalpost-in-anger type. [TMZ]