America Is Turning Into A Godless Heckhole (Because Hell Isn't Real)

A new Harris poll shows that while the majority of Americans still say they believe in God, that number is dropping rapidly. At this point, it would take a miracle to save this country from its trajectory into godless Happy Holidays chaos… if only miracles were real.

While 74% of Americans still say they believe in God, that’s down from 82% just a few years ago (2009). Miracles are faring slightly better; 72% of people still think that things just *hApPeN* because of magic, but in 2005, 79% of people believed in them (note: that means that some people believe in miracles who don’t believe in God). A whopping 58% of Americans say they believe in Hell, like actual Hell, as in a bad place for The Naughty after they die, down from 62%.

Of the people who say they believe in God, just over half (54%) say they’re “certain” S/He exists. This represents a double digit drop from a decade ago. Women, surprisingly, are more likely to believe that God is male than men, who are more likely to believe that God doesn’t have a gender.

Other supernatural beliefs are less popular.

The survey also finds that 42% of Americans believe in ghosts, 36% each believe in creationism and UFOs, 29% believe in astrology, 26% believe in witches and 24% believe in reincarnation – that they were once another person.

So how are we doing with belief in things that can be scientifically proven? Not great. Not as bad, but not great. Only 47% of poll respondents say they believe in evolution. That’s up 5 points from the last time Harris checked, but still — 68% of people say they believe in angels. ANGELS. I thought that was over when that show where Roma Downey squinted through her bangs and told me God Loves Me on the TeeVee was cancelled.

Could it be that the most fervent believers are dying off and being replaced with godless plastic frame glasses wearing tatted up smug Reddit-ing snot nosed (several more media buzzwords that dance around “lazy” and “entitled”) millennials? Probably, according to poll results. The Youngs are the least likely to believe in pretty much every non-science-based belief out of every age group surveyed, and the Olds are, for the most part, more likely to subscribe to beliefs in the invisible.

Democrats and Republicans are about equally likely to believe in God, but Republicans are more likely to believe in the Judeo-Christian idea of God. They’re also less likely to agree with Charles Darwin; only 36% of Republicans believe in evolution.