On Tuesday afternoon, Apple announced a pair of CIA-friendly intellectual cellular devices for the next immediate generation—an iPhone 8 and an iPhone X (also known as the number 10)—at its annual conference for phone people. Have questions? I’m here to help you ask them.
The iPhone X, in particular, comes with several advanced new features: an OLED screen, Super Retina Display, no home button (eliminating the ridiculous act of pressing a button), elegantly goofy dual rear cameras on the back of the phone and.............30-minute drum roll...........wireless charging, which means YOU CAN CHARGE YOUR PHONE ON TOP OF A PAD THAT’S ATTACHED TO A WIRE (YOU HAVE TO PLUG THAT IN) INSTEAD OF PLUGGING THE WIRE INTO YOUR PHONE, SO IT’S NOT ENTIRELY WIRELESS BUT THE PHONE ITSELF TECHNICALLY DOES NOT REQUIRE THE USE OF WIRES SO! VERY NICE! ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT DOING! Other phones already make use of this feature.
Looks nice. There’s also, with the iPhone X (whose birth name is iPhone Little), Face ID, which is facial recognition technology that replaces the Touch ID system that is now dumb and ancient. Bye! Here’s a new thing that may creep you out—animoji that allow you to “control” emojis using your very own face, thus answering my longtime prayers. Mmm. The phone starts at $999.
Our buddies at Gizmodo live-blogged the iPhone unveilings today and have everything you need to know, including: “Apple says there’s just a 1-in-a-million chance that its Face ID sensor will be fooled by someone else’s mug, and the system is so smart, it can even tell when you are looking directly at it, or just in its direction.” Yes, indeed, we still have questions.
Let’s say I use the animatronic emoji feature and find myself trapped in another dimension. How do I get out?
I am available to receive answers to these questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.